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Friday, October 17, 2008

Now for some Utah Humor...

I know I've been slacking but I haven't been feeling too great lately! Ugh... Here's something a friend of mine emailed to me this morning. If you live in Utah, or have EVER lived in Utah, you will know how true these really are! I'll do a "real" post later on. I promise!

Now for the funny...



' Park City Barbie'


She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a million dollar home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.


'Draper Barbie'


The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.


' Kearns Barbie'


This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.




'East Bench Barbie'


This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.




' West Valley Barbie'


This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.



' Emigration Canyon Barbie'


This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit
and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo.



' Magna Barbie'


This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Rose Park Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.



' The Avenues Barbie'


This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Avenues Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.


' Rose Park Barbie'


This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

' Provo Barbie'


She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always at church meetings.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

SITS Love Baby, SITS Love....

I've decided there are wayyyyy too many funny, witty, talented people out there in internet land. I've been neglecting my own blog because I've been spending too much time reading other peoples blogs. Well, that, and cuz I've been a twitter whore lately.

Today is the SITS Blogathon and I wanted to write and tell everyone about it. SITS, or Secret Is In The Sauce, has been a lifesaver! When I started my blog, I was doing it for me and me only. Then I started reading other peoples blogs and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. DING! Wow! Other people read these peoples blogs and say how funny they are or that they have felt that exact same way before too! Since I am such an attention whore (ok, that's twice I've called myself a whore now in this post... lol) I decided to find ways to put my blog out there so other people would know about it and come visit my blog.

SITS was a wonderful tool to get more people to my blog. The site is all about helping other bloggers get their blogs out there and read by other people with the same goal. It's been great to have people reading and commenting on your posts. It's like crack, but in a good way! lol

Now I'll be telling you about some of the blogs that I've learned about since I joined SITS. These are in no particular order except for teh first one. When I had to think about the 5 blogs I'd blog about it today, the Steenky Bee was the first one that came to mind. I've become her newest stalker and she's sooooooooooooo damn funny, I can't stand her! Ok, well actually I do stand her since I stalk her blog daily! I love Jen! She's very funny and she better watch out. She lives near me so I could actually stalk her for real if I were more ambitious. Since I'm kinda lazy and have a lot of mom stuff to attend to, she doesn't have to worry...

Now the others I'd like to mention in no particular order.... Not that i love you guys any less!

Mrs Mouthy

The Queen Bee

The Journey To The Hot Tub

I'm Being Held Hostage

Stolen BonBons

One Crafty Mama!

Tales of a Kansas Girl

SmoochieFrog

On the Upside

Mama's Losin It!

And since I can never decide on my favorites and there are tons out there, don't be surprised to come back and find this list added to!

I better get ready for work now. Happy SITS day everyone!

P.S. Since SITS is all about comment love, leave me some love wouldja!?!?!


Thursday, October 9, 2008

NOT a Wordless Wednesday... Halloweenee Funnies

It's the middle of the night and I am too tired to be witty and clever and do something cute for Wordless Wednesday so how about some Halloweeneeee funnies instead? I found all of these on photobucket...

Wanna see my boobees?



Yoda Dog...



This is actually what my neighborhood looks like right now!



I'm having these made into cards to send out to all my friends and family this year...



I'm so dressing up J like this for halloween...






And this is how I'll be answering my door this Hallween...
(It should save all the candy so I can eat it by myself after the kids all go home!)






Wouldn't it be sweet if we could give this curse to all the men?



Any mother who's had a baby, especially if you breast fed knows how sad and true this one is...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

How do I get rid of the evil sickness in my house?

B has never been in daycare before. Since he was a baby we've been completely lucky (and grateful!) that my mom has watched him since he was born while we worked. This past summer my MIL took care of him too. This is his first year of school and he's in kindergarten. While it's been good for him to be around kids his own age and get into a routine, there's one thing I'm not excited, or prepared for...

THE GERMS!!!!!!

B started school on Sept 2nd. It's now October 7th. He's been sick a total of 4 TIMES ALREADY! He was sick enough that he missed 2 days of school between his first and second week of school. He's sick again! Poor little guy is sneezing and dripping and coughing all over the place. I was so not prepared for him to be sick ALL THE TIME when he started school. Someone tell me that his little immune system will get tougher over the next few months so he's not bringing home every germ that he comes in contact with!?!?!

I can't handle THIS. MUCH. SNOT! Seriously. It's everywhere and on everything. I'm going to have to start wearing a slicker pretty soon if he doesn't get better. And the funny thing is that his K teacher is one of the most germaphobic people I've met. B's come home with no less then 4 pieces of "germ" artwork each week since school started. You guys have heard of dream catchers right? He and his classmates made a "germ" catcher. A big thing that looks like a persons head and upper body with arms. The arms are holding a picture of what a germ looks like in one hand. The other hand is holding a tissue for "when he needs to cough or sneeze to catch the germs." How funny is that? I'll take a picture tonight of him and his artwork and post it here so you guys can see it.

I better be going so I can get reading for work.

BTW, Ms Peabody is still peeing and crapping EVERYWHERE!!!! How the hell do I get her to stop? We've tried everything and can't get her housebroken. J's ready to give up and send her packing. Someone please tell me how to break her of this bad habit before J wraps up all her things in a hankerchief and ties it around a long stick and sends her on her way!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

WTH??? It's 4 AM!!!!

I've been up since 4:00 this morning.

FOUR

A.

M.

Normally, I am the type of girl who lays her head down on the pillow and I'm down for the count. Other then sometimes waking up to use the bathroom, I'm a goner all night long. Sometimes I'm out even before laying down. I can fall asleep at my desk (shhhh don't tell my boss), in the car, sitting up, sitting sideways, bent backwards (don't ask) and yes, even on the potty. I guess that has something to do with me having Narcolepsy huh? But for some reason the past few weeks, sleep keeps escaping me. It's RIGHT. THERE. but I just can't grasp it. I'm reaching for it, stretching out to grab it but at the last second, it moves away.

I have had a lot of things going on lately, some of which I haven't even shared with you guys, my three readers, so I guess that could be a big reason for the long sleepless nights. I'm so tired at night and sometimes I can fall asleep like normal. But then, in the middle of the night, I wake up and can't go back to sleep. Of course, then I'm completely exhausted and fighting to keep my eyes open around now, 6 am, when it's time for me to get up and ready for work. Doesn't seem quite fair that I'm ready to fall back to sleep only when it's time to get up again!

I have Saturdays and Sundays off of work but J works on Saturdays so it's just me and B today. Our new favorite ritual is to go to Einstein Bagels after dropping my mom off at work. So we'll do that this morning for breakfast. Then the rest of the day will be spent cleaning up this house. Its not messy by anyones normal standards but J is a neat freak and is not normal! So it's messy for us. And I have a bunch of laundry to do. Guess it's been all the hours I've been spending here on the couch playing on my laptop that's been affecting the housework. Who knew if you were constantely screwing around, reading blogs, that your house would look like a bomb hit it? On the upside though, I've made some new spidy friends in all the cobwebs that have grown in the corners of my rooms. I'm telling everyone they're Halloween decorations and then won't have to deal with them until November...

I'm off and running to start my day. Hope everyone has a great Saturday!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Goodbye summer! It's been nice...

I think my little blog has gotten too serious these days. Obviously when you find out your husband’s been cheating on you, your life gets a little, shall we say, INTENSE?!?!? But I don’t want to bore my readers to tears, all 3 of you, so let’s talk about something else huh? (Update on me and hubs… We’re working things out, rebuilding the broken path, kissin' and makin' up and all that good stuff that’s supposed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside).

The mornings and nights here in Utah are getting cooler and cooler. The afternoons are still as hot as ever (can you say HOT FLASHES peeps?) but the mornings and nights are getting down right chilly. We have the heater going all night and all morning but then the air conditioner needs to be on full blast during the day. I'm so ready for fall. I love the crisp air, the way the air smells kind of smoky from all the fireplaces being used again after the long hot summer. The leaves on the trees are starting to change to golds, reds and yellows. But, if you blink you'll miss it. For the past few years it seems we go from a long hot summer to a long frigid, cold winter. in between there's about 2 minutes of beautiful fall weather. it's the same with Spring. We get about 2 minutes of gorgeous, cool weather before it gets too hot to be outside.

While I will miss the bbq's, outdoor parties, drive inn movies, and yes, I'll admit it, the YARD SALES, I am looking forward to bundling up, baking goodies, soups, stews, and warm socks. Of course, if you tell me I said all this 2 weeks into winter, I will deny, deny, deny! I'm never happy lol... And I only love the snow when I can stay inside my nice cozy house and don't have to go out in it. Driving in that kind of weather is only for those with a death wish, which I thankfully do not have.

Well it's getting late and I am so exhausted that I'm starting to think this post will come off as smart and intelligent, so I better go.

P.S. I am soooooo angry! We went out to dinner with my sister to Applebees tonight, while my DVR was SUPPOSED TO BE recording my favorite shows. We got home and it had run out of space!!!! So instead of me settling in to watch the latest episode of Lipstick Jungle, it only recorded 5 MINUTES of it! Now what do I do?

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