Sunday, January 25, 2009
I have always been the sweet "girl next door" kind of girl. The one whose boyfriends mothers ADORED me.
Even after me and my boyfriend of the minute, whomever it was, (and there had been MANY), (shut up! don't judge! you have a past too!) had broken up, their mothers still called me, still asked after me, still sent me birthday cards. The mothers called me the "one who got away." And the fathers always liked me too. All of them.
I'm not telling you all of this because I wanted to toot my own horn. Even though I like to do that, I mean, who DOESN'T? But this is a family blog so I'll keep it clean.
(OK, that was funny. When am I ever "clean" on here?)
I look for the good in people all the time. I am polite and kind and NICE. I don't back stab people. I don't pass judgment. I am the girl who is friends with everyone. Anyways, I believe this is because I try to get along with everyone. I try to work things out with people when there's a misunderstanding. Or, if the misunderstanding is with someone who I have a strained relationship with, I have learned to hold my tongue when things bother me for months or years at a time.
Yes, it makes me crazy inside. Yes, it makes those around me crazy as well. I would rather say "nothing" when Mr. Man asks what's wrong with me then to talk it all out and try to "fix" it. Which makes him postal. Seriously. And when he feels postal, I feel like smothering him. With a pillow. During the night.
The reason for the long drawn out story of me and my ex boyfriends is because of what I needed to blog about tonight.
I heard stories of mother in laws and problems my friends have run in to with their mother in laws when they got married. I've read horror stories over and over of the mother in laws trying to sabotage the daughter in laws life or marriage. For hells sake! There's even a movie about it! Which btw is HILARIOUS and if you've never seen it, you need to watch it.
Go on. I'll wait.
Hearing all those stories, I knew that would never be me. Never! I get along with everyone. I try my damnedest to keep the peace in my family and friendships. ALWAYS. I could never understand why they couldn't just get along! Seriously, how hard could it be?!?! Me and my mother in law would have a fabulous relationship. She would become my second mother. We would be very close and go shopping and get our hair done together. All while sipping a yummy flavored coffee. Like in the commercials.
Those were my visions of the future.
So I guess it is only appropriate that since I have had such great, wonderful relationships with people and with other boyfriends parents, that when I would find the man I believe to be my soul mate, the man I wanted to spend my life with and make babies with and wake up Saturday mornings to, that his mother would dislike me. Immensely!
We didn't agree on anything. Our relationship started out rocky and then got worse. We had a few big blow outs where there would be no talking on either end. I quickly learned how to get along with her. How to please her. I learned how to keep my mouth shut. I learned how to just get along for the sake of getting along. Even when that meant biting my tongue when my feelings were bruised.
And it worked. For awhile. We had moved across the street from them to be closer so they could spend more time with their grandson. Which we've all loved. When she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in October, I felt like she finally let me get close to her like she never had before. We finally had the relationship I'd always thought I would have with my mother in law. Long talks on the phone, being there for her and vice versa. No snarky comments, no innuendos, no pot shots between us about my parenting, housekeeping, or budgeting skills like on Everybody Loves Raymond.
Life is too short to fight and hold grudges. Especially when someone is dying of cancer. And lets face it, life isn't as funny as a sitcom. If it were, at the end of every half hour, life would be perfect once again. And I'd have the body of Patricia Heaton.
Last weekend I got my feelings hurt. I had a very private conversation with Mr. Man which was supposed to be kept just between the 2 of us. A conversation that took him poking at me for 20 minutes repeatedly asking "what's wrong? what happened" over and over and over until I finally gave in because I started crying. Feelings that I'd been holding in for the last 6 months that bubbled over. Let me stress that again, it was in a PRIVATE conversation with him, with no one else around. I told him what was bothering me, with strict instructions not to repeat to anyone because saying how I feel only makes things worse. It only causes problems. Hurting someone elses feelings because my feelings are hurt don't wipe the slate clean. I don't believe my MIL is actively trying to seek out to hurt me. I don't believe she is being malicious towards me. But nonetheless, I am not a robot. I have feelings and emotions and no matter how hard I have tried to not let things show that they bother me, they do.
A better way of putting it is that she might not realize the things she says or does would make me feel left out. Only addressing my sister in law when both of us are standing there together, and it's only the 3 of us in the room, obviously makes me feel left out. Offering something to only one of us when both of us are right there makes me feel left out. When you only speak to one person when there's another person in the room, obviously makes the excluded person feel they aren't wanted.
According to Mr Man, my MIL thinks that it's "all in my head" and that I "imagine" the exclusion that I definitely feel. So I try to put myself out there. I try to insert myself into conversations and events to make sure that I am not imaging the way I'm being left out. But what happens is that when I try to include myself, I get a very cool reception from her. They could be laughing and joking and carrying on and when I try to include myself, I get a definite cool reception. She could be having this long conversation and when I say something, I get a "yes" or "no" or a shrug from her. That's it.
If it had only happened once or twice, I could live with that. But it seems to happen every time we're all together. Which is why my feelings are hurt. But I don't say a word because it's just not worth it. And I don't want to fight. In my heart I don't think she realizes what she's doing. I think because my brother and sister in law live out of town, and they don't see them as much as they see us, that maybe she's just trying to focus on them and what's been going on in their lives which is why she focuses on them more.
So when Mr Man takes it upon himself to "fix" the situation, even though I've asked him NOT to, and tells his brother his "version" of what I actually said, then his brother tells his "version" of what he said to my mother in law, it's completely different then what I had actually said to Mr Man.
So now she's not speaking to me. She called Mr Man and told him she didn't appreciate us back stabbing her to my brother and sister in law. She wants nothing more to do with me and my family. What my family has to do with anything, especially after all they've tried to do for her since she found out about the cancer, is beyond me. Mr Man is to keep me "away from her" from now on.
All because he opened his mouth and tried to "fix" the situation. And what's sad is this has happened before. And every time, she won't speak to me for months. Last time she didn't speak to me for over a year.
Now is not the time for us to be fighting. Not with how sick she is and will become very soon. Which is why I've kept my mouth shut when I've been hurt.
We live right across the street from her and my father in law but now, we might as well be a million miles away! I haven't called her because according to Mr Man she is really, really, REALLY mad at me and doesn't want to speak to me again. So what do I do?
What would you do in this situation? Let the dust settle then try to clear the air? Should I write her a letter explaining what happened and why I was upset? I'm not interested in pointing fingers or placing blame. Just need to clear the air and stop the fighting. But without her speaking to me, I don't know what else to do.
Anyone have any advice? This is when I really, really, really need my readers to tell me what you would do in this situation, based on what I've told you. I didn't go into details because it's not really what's important. I feel how I feel, and she feels how she feels. We need to meet in the middle somehow. But how?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Believe me, it's been a lot for the first 3 weeks of the new year. I think maybe the only thing that hasn't actually happened to us, besides death (knock on wood!), is a tornado picking up our house and flinging it far, far away, dropping on top of the wicked witch with the green skin and black and white striped stockings.
I really wish I could click my fabulous, sparkly red ruby slippers, chanting "There's no place like home... There's no place like home... There's no place like home." I would marry a flying monkey if I could do that, and start 2009 all over again without any of the drama that it's already brought.
I was given a wonderful day with my family on New Years day. Had a lot of fun.
Then came January 2nd.
DUN DUN DUN!
We were stopped at a stop light and the person in front of me rolled backwards into the van. Broke off a little of the big part under the fender. The person who did the damage didn't even get out to see if there was damage. Just took off!
Our roof almost caved in. The whole corner of our kitchen ceiling/roof looks like it's about to fall any second. It was so full of water that we had to poke holes in the ceiling to drain the water out before it burst and completely ruined the newly completed kitchen renovation! We found out not only is the roof bad, but because of all the damage from the water runoff that's been backing up into the ceiling and attic, our attic is full of MOLD. Green, fuzzy, furry, gold, glow in the dark hazardous mold. You know, the kind that makes you really sick? And we've been living with it for only God knows how long. Maybe that explains the horrid dark circles under my sons eyes that no 6 year old should have!
Oh, and to top it all off, since my landlords insurance won't cover the damage for whatever reason, he is trying to blame US for the damage. Something about Mr. Man not shutting the swamp cooler down correctly. Which is a load of bull. The insurance claims adjuster even told us the mold has been growing for a really long time. A lot longer then just the past few months that the swamp cooler had been off.
Never mind that we did EXACTLY as he told us to do to shut it down.
Never mind that we walked him through step by step what we did when Mr. Man turned it off.
Never mind that his old ass should have been on the roof doing it HIMSELF but we did it for him so he wouldn't have to drive all the way out to our house.
So not only has the roof gone bad, but now we're currently living through the roof being torn off and replaced in the middle of winter.
To cut this post short, since I could go on and on all night, here's the shorter version of my drama:
We are down another vehicle so now my poor sister is trying to shuttle me, Brady, her, my 2 nephews and my mom to and from work all week! All in one car!
Mr. Mans work truck was side swiped during the night. The person who did it, didn't stop. Just took off.
I, ahhh, almost cut off a nipple with my new kitchen shears. Don't ask how or what happened but I wasn't paying attention and was almost left nippleless. Dead serious!
Then I fell into a sewer hole. I swear to you. I wish I were making this up! I'll eleborate on that one another time but I'm sure it was comical to the neighbors who saw it all happen. I, though, was HUMILIATED since it hurt really bad and I cried like a girl. For a split second I thought I was going to be the next Jessica in the well, stuck for hours while fire fighters and rescue workers worked like mad to free me from the horrible hole. The news stations would be there, the nation would cry for me, and in the end, I'd have a book deal. But that didn't happen. At least I didn't break anything!
On a more serious note, I have a new nephew who was born last week with a bad heart. He was born in Colorado and all seemed well. Then the next day he crashed. Doctors found out the right side of his heart and 3 of his heart valves didn't develop during the pregnancy. It's something they should have known about with all the tests they do during pregnancy but somehow it went unnoticed.
The morning after he was born, he was life flighted to a hospital in Denver for emergency surgery. Unforunately the doctors there weren't able to get him stablized for surgery. They tried for over 24 hours. When they finally got him stablized, they realized he just wasn't strong enough for surgery. Doctors told his mom that he wouldn't live through the surgery if they tried to do it now. They put a stent in his heart that they are hoping will keep him alive until he's 3 months at which point they'll attempt surgery to rebuild the part of his heart that didn't develop right.
He's been in NICU this whole time and we got a call 2 days ago to let us know he was having a really hard time breathing. Turns out he has Rotavirus now on top of all of it.
We need all the prayers and good wishes we can get so please keep this sweet baby in mind. WSe're in Utah and their in Colorado and it's killing me we can't be there to help him and mommy through all of this. So please, please, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. He's gonna need all he can get!
So that's it... The whole enchilada... 2009 better bring it's game soon! I had great envisions for this new year. Wonderful things were supposed to happen but they haven't started yet! Anyone know where I can get a magic lamp or a genie for some wishes???
Friday, January 16, 2009
Everyone does the “Resolutions” post about the things they “believe” they’re really going to accomplish in the coming year.
This is NOT that post.
Even though everyone INTENDS to keep their resolutions, by the 2nd week of the new year, 90% of those resolutions have been tossed by the wayside and forgotten. A dieter gets one whiff of a cheeseburger and the resolution to lose weight and eat healthier is thrown out the drive thru window. (And no, I’m not speaking from personal experience! Why would you even think that???)
There are a lot of good intentions in this world but as you’ve heard before “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” And I don’t want to go to hell. Really… It’s hot there… I’m just sayin…
I may have mentioned this before but I am the biggest procrastinator you will EVER have the chance of knowing. I admit that. I accept that.
“My name is Andrea and I’m a procrastinator.”
So I figured that since I’m a rebel and thrive on being the Fruit Loop in this big old world full of Cheerios, I am doing a different post.
My list of things I WILL NOT resolve to do this year!
- I will not promise to keep my house cleaner then it has been for the past 5 years. Will I remember 5 years from now if my sink was shiny every morning and my bed made? NO! What I will remember is the memories I will make with my son and with Jason. They are more important to me then making sure all my couch pillows are exactly straight in case company comes over.
I will not promise to lose weight! Dieting is for the birds. I would rather focus my energy on life and living it! If I died tomorrow would I be glad I had a salad last night for dinner? Or a grapefruit for breakfast? No! (Plus, I love food too much to give any of it up. Shh, that’ll be our little secret!) I have NEVER been one of those girls who doesn’t eat on dates and stresses over her body every second of every day. I do NOT have a scale in my house and will never own one. And I like chocolate cake. A lot. Seriously.
I will not resolve to quit drinking. Why would I do that? It's a good time. Besides, if I quit drinking, what would I do between 9 and 10:00 in the morning at work?
I will not resolve to get out of debt. I can't wrap my head around that and as I've said already, when you're a procastinator, getting out of debt isn't something you know you can handle. And how would I get out of debt with all the retail therapy I need to accomplish?
I will not resolve to get my "professional life" in order or wish for a better career. I don't want to work. Have never wanted to work. I DREAD going to work. Why would I resolve to get more of it in my life?
I will not resolve to have more peace and quiet in my life. I've never shared this with all of you before BUT I have a confession to make. (Yes, I know! Another one! It feels great to get all these confessions off my chest!) I am the "shusher" mom. The one who yells at everyone else to shut up because I can't take a lot of noise. J and Brady will be rough housing and playing at night and I'm constantly telling them to shut their pie holes. I need to stop that.
I will not resolve to take on a new hobby or learn a new language. I already have more then I have time for. Besides, what could be a better hobby then bedazzling everything we own.
So, those are my UN-Resolutions for 2009!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Then I was going to do a post on Bradys surgery and didn't have my pics here on my laptop, but on my work computer instead. Ugh I'm so unorganized! So I'll have to revisit those posts once I get my ass in gear. Well, that, and organized! Which by the way is the one New Years resolution I'm vowing to make this year!!!! That, and to blog more often. I am the most unorganized, procrastinator you will ever meet in your life. And by "meet", I mean the person you stalk on line here at my blog. lol
So here's a big holiday wrap up for the month of December and beginning of January...
December was really busy. Mid month B, our 6 year old had to have emergency surgery to remove his appendix before it burst. We took him to Primary Childrens Hospital early Thursday morning, where he endured an IV, having his blood drawn, a CT scan (with a fluid enema to boot), then an ultrasound. They ended up doing surgery Thursday night around 9 or 9:30 (where he came out like a champ) and spent the night in the hospital. There was lots of crying and carrying on and all that foolishness. And that was just the parents and grandparents! lol After a really long couple of days he was released and came home so we could all fawn all over him and spoil him rotten. Poor little guy! It was really hard on him but emotionally, it was worse on J and I and his grandparents! We were all the big babies at the hospital!
Getting ready for Christmas, shopping and wrapping and all that good stuff, was insane like it always is. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. I vow to start shopping months in advance, wrapping presents as I go, and not wait until the last minute. Then EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. it comes right down to the wire and something happens so we end up doing the majority of our gift buying the last week before Christmas. We suck at this! Anywho, we stayed at my inlaws Christmas Eve so we could open gifts with them first thing Christmas morning. We normally sleep at my sisters or they sleep at our house but this year, with my mother in law being so ill, we wanted to spend the time with them instead. I'm very happy we did. Then we went to my sisters that afternoon to finish opening gifts and have dinner. A huge storm came through Christmas Eve and it snowed and snowed AND SNOWED until the day after Christmas. I think we got about 3 feet or more of snow!
It was nice to have Christmas over and done with. Our tree has been taken down, all the decorations put away until next year. And of course, all the after Christmas sales have been shopped lol.
It's nice to get back into some sort of family groove. Being at home, cooking dinner each night again. All right, I'll be honest, I cooked TONIGHT, but, I did COOK! B goes back to school tomorrow morning. It'll be good to have him outta our hair a bit more. I love him with all my heart but good lord! If that boy tells me one more time he's BORED, he's gonna get a boot to his behind!
And with that, I'm heading to shower and hit the sack. It's exhausting trying to find something funny and witty to blog about and coming up with NADA. Hopefully I'll be more "on" tomorrow.
Hogs and kisses all!