Monday, September 15, 2008

A death in the family and a hole in the wall....

Tonight J's grandma died. She's been going downhill for a few years now, first with various age related health problems, then she got dementia. She's gotten sicker and sicker the past year. J's grandpa, a very healthy, fit, strict military man has been taking care of her 24/7 and we've watched him deteriorate right along side of her. Grandma made grandpa promise that he would take care of her and not put her in a nursing home so he did his best to try and do everything for her, sometimes going for days without sleeping.

I of course got this information 2nd hand from my MIL. See, when J and I found out we were pregnant with B, we weren't married and his grandparents said we were going to hell. They are very strict Mormon and weren't shy about telling us we were going to eternal damnation for having a "bastard" child. And I kid you not, those were their EXACT words. Needless to say it didn't make for warm and cozy holiday get togethers. They wanted nothing to do with me or with the cutest little baby to ever see the face of the earth, at least in our eyes, unless J and I decided to get married. So we didn't spend a lot of time together and it wasn't until about 2 years ago they warmed up to B. Never me, but B became the light of their lives.

There's a whole lot of back story that is too late to go into. Long story short, grandma is my MIL's stepmother. Grandma inherited 3 kids when she married grandpa and she immediately did whatever she could to get rid of those kids. She treated them horribly, hit them, tried to send them away, she even once scratched her neck, face, and scalp all up right in front of my MIL and then told Grandpa my MIL did it! (Can you say PSYCHO? I know you can!) I think she even threw herself down some stairs at one point saying my MIL had done that too. I think my MIL was only 12 or 13 when the stairs and scratches happened. Grandpa always believed her, never my MIL.

No matter what issues and problems I have with my MIL, she has selflessly given a ton of time to take care of this woman, who has continued to be a nasty nightmare to my MIL even through her dementia. She's held on to the "hatred" for my MIL even when her mind was too far gone to remember who she was or how she got there. My MIL has been driving 45 minutes (one way) to grandma and grandpas house to help with housework, yardwork, errands, whatever they needed almost every day for the past 3 or 4 years. They knew grandma was dying, we even thought she wasn't going to make it the weekend my BIL and his fiance were getting married last month. Tonight we got the call that she was finally gone. We just hope grandpa can stay strong and not let himself slip away after grandma is buried. He's wrapped his whole life around grandma since she got sick and I don't think he remembers his life without the constant care of grandma. Please keep grandpa in your prayers. Well, my whole extended family could use the prayers about now.

So much else happened today but it's getting too late and I need to hit the sack. I'll leave you with the wonderful sight I got home to tonight...

My sister calls our puppy 'Miss Peebody" for obvious reasons. But we may have to start calling her Jaws or something. I guess she got bored and her teeth were hurting her since she's teething so she decided to chew a hole in the freakin WALL. The WALL!!!! I get her little teeth are hurting her and she feels the need to bite something hard, and the million bones and toys we've bought her obviously aren't enough, but why the WALL??!?!? B went through his teething stage also but the kid never took out any plaster!

A closeup of the damage. Down to the plaster!

You can even see the plaster on the carpet where it came off in chunks! What the hell is wrong with this dog? I think she's possessed or something! There's something just NOT RIGHT with her!

Not a good night...

What happens when you find something you never wanted to find or that you never hoped you'd find in a million years? I don't snoop for a reason. NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES FROM IT!!!! You never find good things when you snoop. Even at Christmas, if you snoop to find out what he's bought you, then there's always that little letdown Christmas morning when you open your gifts and have to do that fake surprised smile like you just had no idea what was in that wrapping paper. Remember on Sex and the City where Carrie is dating that great guy and she figures he's too perfect so when he leaves her alone in his apartment one morning, she goes nuts snooping through everything trying to find something on him? Turns out she didn't find anything at all but she got dumped for being a freak and not trusting him.

I was innocently playing with his new phone last night since he said i could about a week ago to see if I wanted to upgrade my new phone to the one he just got. I then wanted to check to see if he actually got that text I sent him yesterday telling him to shut up or get out. I found something a little odd... Texts between him and who I can only assume is another woman. FLIRTY TEXTS. Texts that he and I write to each other, that usually only come between 2 people who are close or who are hoping to become close. There wasn't any talk of meeting or anything like that but they were flirty nonetheless. But here's the crazy thing. He had deleted EVERY SINGLE ONE of the texts she had sent to him. All that was left were the texts he sent to her in his outbox/sent thing on his blackberry. I guess he thought if I looked on his phone, I wouldn't see anything in the inbox and that would be that. And here's the other thing I find odd.

She's not someone in his address book on his phone. All the texts only show a phone number, no name. This man has everyone and his dog that he's ever met since high school saved in his address book. He has the name and number of a body shop mechanic we used about 6 YEARS AGO still in his address book. He's very organized and the minute he gets someones number, or someone changes their number, he immediately saves it. Now why would he not save her number like he does everyone else?

And what exactly do I do now? I wasn't really snooping. But he'll think I was. I was playing with his phone like I've done a million times. He's never had anything to hide. The texts to her only started about 9 days ago, at least that's how far back they're saved on his phone. I have a sneaky sensation I know who it is. A few weeks ago he asked me if I remembered this woman he was talking to online when we met. J and I got serious immediately after we met. Like we met on July 3rd and have been together every single day since that day. Not one day have we ever been apart or gone without seeing each other. Well this girl ended up being kinda needy. We tried setting her up with our roommate at the time and the 4 of us went on a double date to kinda break the ice. She was more interested in J then the roommate we tried to set her up with. She spent the whole night talking to J instead of our roommate and batting her eyelashes and flipping her hair AT HIM. When I was pregnant with B I asked him to stop communicating with her. They were only talking online but she was kinda getting more and more needy and he openly admitted she was flirting with him and I saw the things she'd say to him. He stopped talking to her a few years ago. Then a couple of weeks ago he asked if I remembered her and I said, ya, I remembered she was in love with you and he laffed about it and said that she had found him on myspace again and wanted to talk. I, of course, rolled my eyes at that one and said I bet she wanted to "just talk." And again he laffed at me. Innocent enough. But i think thats who this is.

I don't want to say anything because if he knows he's being watched he'll delete the calls from his phone log and delete the sent texts from his blackberry. At which point I'd have to trust that he's not doing anything. But maybe they're not doing anything and he's just being an idiot flirting with her. I dunno what to do or say.

Anyone got any suggestions? Now's the time i need some comments from all you readers out there. All 3 of you lol...

Hope someone can give me some advice!

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