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Monday, May 25, 2009

Almost Dying Really Sucks on a Holiday Weekend!

I bet your Memorial Day weekends were filled with sun, fun, bbq's and good times right? Mine? Ya, not so much.

Mine started out with a near death experience. Literally.

When I was a lot younger, ya know, back when there were no wrinkles on my forehead and I had no idea the power that cleavage had, I stepped on a bee walking barefoot in the grass. My foot swelled up to the size of a football. I was just told I should be very careful around bees because I'd had a "bad allergic reaction" to the sting.

I've always been really careful since then. Never been stung again.

Fast forward to Saturday morning. I was waiting for my sister to pick me up for our weekly sister bonding time. My sis is my BFF. We have so much fun together and every Saturday while Mr Man is at work, we hang out all day. Go to breakfast, run errands, go shopping. You know, drag the kids around and do all the things that they hate getting dragged around to.

So anywho, I'm sitting on my couch, thinking for once I should actually blog since it's been awhile, and I was on twitter being my usual twitter whore self when I see this bee or wasp inside my house. It's buzzing around the window right next to my head. I, of course, in girly fashion, immediately go into hysterics, screaming for Mr Man to come kill it. Only, he's not here! The 6 year old is, lets face it, only 6, so he's useless in rescuing his damsel in distress mother from the killer bee she's freaking out over. So what do I do?

I so grabbed the tv remote to kill the damn thing! Granted, in hindsight, it PROBABLY wasn't the smartest idea since the remote was a really expensive remote to our flat screen tv that Mr Man loves more then me and B put together. (Seriously, if there were a fire, and he could only grab one thing, he would try and carry that mo' fo out of the house while it burned around him! Ok, first he would yell to me to grab B to get out of the house WHILE he grabbed the flat screen. Just sayin') Now if I would have broken it trying to smash the damn bee to pieces, Mr Man probably would have sold *ME* to buy a new one.

I saw it staring right at me a few times as I swung the remote at it. I think I even saw it crack it's knuckles and throw it's head back to laugh at me as it flew out of my way and landed on the window pane thinking it had gotten away from me, little bastard. It took me quite a few swings to smash the damn furry, buzzing beast of death but in the end, I won!

You would think this would be a happy ending right? I was smart enough to kill the bee before I got stung with it right?

Right?

Ya, fat chance! If only I were that smart.

I told B to get me some tissue so I could clean up the carnage. Which was smart right? So I wouldn't accidentally step on the dead body right? WRONG!

I cleaned up the body with the tissue from the window and the window pane. Set the tissue on the coffee table to get up. Then the damn dog started barking and I got distracted. Left the room, did something (I don't know what), let the dog out, yadda, yadda, yadda. Came back in the room and picked up the tissue forgetting what was inside of it and... Yes, you guessed it... STUNG MYSELF.... With the DEAD bee.

I know right? How stupid is that? And I of course, was still twittering with people online and ImWendy and I of course, laughed at my stupidity that I still stung myself with the dead bee. Rightfully so, cuz I was a dumbass. Then IamDebra was asking me questions about how I was feeling, the swelling, etc. Sent me a link to webmd.com about the allergic reaction I was having. My finger instantly swelled up but that was it. No other swelling but my lips were tingling really bad. That was it.

At first.

Then I started having trouble breathing. My sister got there and gave me 2 Benedryl but as we drove, it was getting harder and harder to breathe. My chest was hurting really bad. My hands and feet and lips had this buzzing/tingling feeling. I was really dizzy and I was starting to panic and I just remember telling my sister "Something's wrong!" So she drove me to the Urgent Care where my mom works. As she was driving I just remember it getting dark like my vision was fading and I couldn't see very clearly. My sister said I fell asleep, (which is also code for "passed ou"t according to the doctor I saw) a few times on the way there which means I was pretty bad off by the time we reached urgent care. My sister said she kept yelling at me to wake up and kept shaking me and I'd wake up for a second then pass back out.

By the time we got there, I could hardly breathe and it was as if I could hear everyone talking to me but I couldn't speak and couldn't move. They had to help me out of the car and put me in a wheelchair to get me inside the building. I do remember being so embarassed that I cried. I remember that much. I remember being rushed down the hall and nurses running. I remember getting stabbed in the arm with a shot of Epi and my heart feeling like it was going to jump out of my chest and go flying out of the room.

I remember my poor, sweet 6 year old being so terrified and scared at what I was going through & he was crying so hysterically that he made himself throw up. My poor mom was running out of the room to find him one of those plastic bins to get sick in. Poor baby. And I'm just laying there on the table like a slab of meat trying to get my wits about me, unable to comfort him. Huge FAIL as a mom! At least my mom works there and my sister had brought me so both were there to love on him.

After the Epi shot and a breathing treatment, the doctor came in to talk to me again. Sounded like I had started going into anaphylactic shock from the bee sting. Which I guess is fairly serious since you can be dead within minutes if you don't get treatment right away. And I guess each time you get stung, the allergic reaction is worse each time. So the next time I get stung will be worse then this time. Yikes!

The doctor said the epinephrine, the breathing treatment, and the steroids I had to take would all make me feel pretty wired and out of it for a couple of days. And believe me, Mr Man's been hovering over me all weekend to make sure I was ok. The meds did wire me but it was the crash from all of those that made me feel like someone had let the air out of my tires. I imagine this is what crack whores feel like when they're looking for their next fix. Seriously, it was that bad!

I now have to carry 2 Epipens with me at all times and make sure everyone I hang out with regulary knows how to use them in the event of an emergency.

Ya know... Should I ever decide to get stung again...

By a DEAD bee!

What a way to spend Memorial Day weekend!

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