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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I know I've been MIA...

Sorry for taking so long to update my Blog everyone! It been insanely busy in my life with the holidays and family obligations. Then work has also been nuts since it's quarter end AND we're getting ready to shut down our warehouse for almost 2 weeks.

Ugh!

Can you say busy? Can you say high blood pressure?!?!

I am hoping to load my digital pics to my laptop tonite so I can do a proper post. Please hang tight until then guys. I'll try to think of something funny and witty to say between now and then lol

Hope everyone had a fabu Christmas and looking forward to an awesome New Year!

Talk to you guys soon!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

You know it's true!


ALL I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM A SNOWMAN

** It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy **

** Hold your ground, even when the heat is on **

** Wearing white is always appropriate **

** Winter is the best of the four seasons **

** It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection **

** There's nothing better than a foul mouthed, er I mean, weather friend **

** We're all made up of mostly water **

** You know you've made it when they write a song about you **

** Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize **

** Avoid yellow snow **

** Don't get too much sun **

** It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet **

** It's fun to hang out in your front yard **

** There's no stopping you once you're on a roll **

And... Last but not least...

** It's not the size of the carrot, but the placement that counts **

True Story!

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers til after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!

Friday, December 5, 2008

We won! We won! We won!!!!

Wednesday night was J’s company Christmas party. We won the grand prize!!!!! But before I get into that and the party, let me start my story by telling you something one of my best friends said to me this past summer. She watched “The Secret” and had people talking to her left and right about it.




This was when the book and the movie came out and EVERYBODY and their husband, wife, friend, cousin, aunt, mom, dad, baby, baby mama, neighbor, mailman, and their dogs were talking about this movement. Let's call it a “movement” because it seems everywhere I turned someone was talking about it and how it had helped them in their life and how they were putting this into their lives as well. Isn't that what a movement is? When a ton of people all drink the koolaid and decide to do the same "new" thing?

Anywhore, we were at our friends house to play poker like we do every 2 weeks. A bunch of us get together, the guys and 2 of their girlfriends play poker and the rest of us ladies have a hen party in the kitchen. Laughing and joking and catching up on life together over drinks and snacks, and drinks. Lots of drinks! (Did I mention the drinks? lol) My BFF "N" tells me that she decided to "try" putting The Secret into her life one day. They had been hurting financially since her hubby's business had been sort of slow. She got home from work after thinking about it and said out loud, "In today's mail, there WILL BE money for us instead of bills!" Something to that effect. She said she repeated it a few times on her way to the mailbox at her curb. Of course at this point I was skeptical and said "phooey!" (Ok, so I didn't *REALLY* say phooey (does anyone really say that anymore?) but I'm sure I rolled my eyes on more then one occasion and shook my head a lot. It's how I roll...) Then she says she opened her mailbox and...

DUN.DUN.DUN...

Inside her mailbox was a check from her last jobs retirement plan she had forgotten all about. Because she forgot about it and didn't roll it over to her new employers plan, the retirement company had cashed it out and sent it to her.

I kind of left it at that, never thought about it again. Fast forward to this week. J and I never win anything. EVER! But the night of his company party, I said to him, "tonight, we WILL win a prize. And not just ANY prize! We WILL win the grand prize!" I am pretty sure he and B laughed at me. A lot. (I may have cried from their laughter. I'm not sure, I've tried to block it from my memory.)

We got to the party at a local Italian Spaghetti restaurant and had dinner with our friends. The raffle started and they began with the grand prize. Our ticket number was called! The very first ticket they pulled out was ours!!!!!!

This is what we won...
Can you believe it!?!? All the way home I gloated that it was my positive thinking that had won the prize. I did it! This way of thinking really does work! For the next 2 days I tried to keep it up. Breathe in, breathe out... Think positively!

Friday was my company party and they were also doing a raffle. I thought positively. Did an affirmation out loud. We didn't win. lol

I did learn something great though. The idea isn't just about winning things and getting money in the mail. It's about trying to find the better things in everything around you. It's about finding the best solution to problems life throws your way. It's about BELIEVING everything can and WILL work out in your life. I've always believed that I am a very positive person and always trying to find the brighter side in everything. But my problem is that while I don't like to speak out loud the things that I'm worried about, or talk negatively, I still THINK it in my head. So I need to try and be better about that. I do believe in the whole karmic ideals, positive thinking will equal positive rewards, negative thinking will equal negative energy. So I need to BELIEVE all the crap happening in my life is going to work out. All of it. And isn't that Christmas is all about? BELIEVING???

And that's where I'll end this post. lol

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Thanksgiving was a bust!

As you know my MIL has been very ill right? If you don't know that, have you even been reading this blog??? Go read it now...

GO ON!

I'll wait!

Seriously! DO IT!!!

Ok, you done?

Now that you know what I'm talking about, I can continue. (Sheesh! Pay attention next time would ya?!?)

As I may or may not have mentioned before, my MIL is the kind of woman who has the magazine-cover-picture-perfect-home. Nothing is ever out of place! You know how you go see the tours of the brand new homes in the newly built subdivisions and they have that one perfect model home at the beginning to show you what it would look like if you lived there? And, if you had a decorator, a full time chef, a full time cleaning person, and nobody *EVER* walked on the carpets once you lived there? Yes, that would be what her house looks like. She has cream/off white carpets with NO marks on them. And they're not brand new. They just LOOK brand new! Don't ask how she does it because I don't know!

Anyways, not only is her house like that but her holiday gatherings and table settings are the same way. Everything is beautiful and shiny and perfect. Like Martha effin Stewart herself set the table! Every year she does all the cooking from start to finish. All on her own. Meaning you are not allowed to bring anything and if you do, so help you gawd, you'll be on her shit list! I made the mistake of trying to bring something when J and I first got together. Thinking like other normal families that when someone says, "no it's ok, don't bring anything", they really mean, go ahead and bring whatever. No one ever REALLY means DON'T bring anything. Right? WRONG! Everyone thinks that way except for my MIL. I think that was the first time I ever really knew the true meaning of "STINK EYE!" Wow! I'd never seen anything like it before! But I digress... Me and my MIL have never had the perfect relationship but we're on our way. We've grown very close since she's been ill and I'm extremely happy we are getting along so great these days.

Anyways, this year would be different. For one, MIL is way too sick to do all of it on her own. Actually she's been too sick to do any of it on her own. Secondly, this could very well be her last Thanksgiving we get to spend with her. So you can see where I'm going with that one. Anyways, when she was hospitalized the first time in October, I told my new sister in law and my MIL's pseudo adopted daughter that we would need to make sure to get Thanksgiving all taken care of on our end so that MIL wouldn't have to do a thing. Long story short, they planned the whole thing without me before I could bat an eyelash! So, in my procrastination daze, I was told I could make, um, the potatoes lol.

So anyways, I'd taken last Wednesday off so I could start preparing for that Thursdays dinner. Me and B were across the street with my MIL, her adopted daughter and granddaughter all day long that day, baking pies and cookies, making the jello salads she serves, the muffins, everything. We had a great time. Laughing and joking. Forgetting the muffins in the oven so they came out extra "baked." D making the raspberry jello too watery so it wouldn't set up. There was a lot of laughing and joking. It was great.

Late Wednesday afternoon, when B and I headed back to our house to start the preparations for the things we were in charge of for dinner, (READ: POTATOES lol), B started complaining of a scratchy throat. As the night wore on, he whined more and more. The more potatoes I peeled and diced, the more he complained about how he didn't feel good. We went to bed and during the night he started puking. I was hoping and praying that he had food poisoning. I know right? What kind of mother hopes and prays for food poisoning? It was better then the alternative. I knew if it was only food poisoning, then he'd be fine by dinner time the next afternoon. AND that he wasn't contagious!!!!! But, if it was the flu, we would have to skip going to my in laws since she's about to start chemo and can't be around anyone sick right now.

After a very long night, of B up every hour on the hour getting sick, he woke the next morning to even worse symptoms. We were politely told not to come to my inlaws for dinner. I was very upset. It seems like everyday there is something new, something else goes wrong. Something, or someone, keeps throwing all these obstacles in my way. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong! It's been that way since my brother was killed a few years back but it seems the past year has been the most horrible one so far.

My family was very excited to have us for thanksgiving after all. We had told them we wouldn't be coming this year for dinner and they politely understood that because of what was happening with my MIL's health, that we wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. They've been great about all of it. When I called them Thursday so extremely upset about not being able to spend Thanksgiving with my inlaws, they asked us to come over right away. It turned out great after all. We spent the day with my sister, her boys, my mom and my neice. It was a great day all in all.

The rest of the weekend was pretty miserable though. First I caught the flu from B and then J got it too. All of us are still down with this horrid flu and can't seem to shake it. I'm hoping we get better soon. We need to be in tip top shape to be around my MIL at all so we're trying to rest up and get better quickly.

MIL was supposed to start chemo today but for some reason, the doctors have postponed it to Friday of this week. We'd appreciate any and all prayers, good wishes, healing thoughts, etc etc that you can send our way. We're going to need them to get through this!

Again, sorry it's been so long since I've posted on my little blog here. Life has been crazy and hectic but I hope to get posting more and more.

Love to all!

Andrea

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Dreaming about Blogging?

I woke up this morning and was remembering the dream I had during the night. The images so vivid it was like it really happened. I was rich and famous and living the life of a rock star. I was flying, no, I was JETTING, to and fro on someones private jet. Can I remember why I was so rich and famous and living the life of a rock star? No. That detail escapes me. And can I remember what exactly I was doing that was so fabulous in this dream? NO. No idea.

The whole point of this dream, and for me writing about it this morning, was at the end of the dream, my last thought was how I was going to BLOG all about my adventures that I had that summer. (Did I mention it was a whole summer of fun that I dreamt about?) I was actually dreaming about blogging! I've dreamt about the pain in my life. I've dreamt about my family. I've dreamt about work too many times to count. I've dreamt about FOOD (don't get me started on those dreams! Food is a very important part of my life unfortunately and those dreams I can remember in fine detail lol). I've dreamt about my cat and my dog. I've dreamt about my brother who was killed a few years back. I've dreamt about the cops who took his life that night. I've dreamt about the pain my mother endured after that night and still to this day. I've dreamt about laundry and house cleaning and mopping floors. But dreaming about blogging? Do any of you dream about blogging? Guess my dreams have finally caught up to this century huh?

In my dream I was so excited that so many fun and amazing things had happened that summer, and that I would have things to blog about for weeks! So what exactly was the point of that dream? I'm guessing with all the things going on in my life right now, with my MIL being so sick and on her last leg, and everything that is going along with that, that maybe my mind is wishing and hoping that I had fun things to blog about instead of the sad stories I've been telling lately. I see all these other blogs being humorous and funny and telling great stories that make me laugh and I think about all the sadness in my life and how my blog just isn't comparing to them.

So, I've made a decision!

I will continue to blog but try to keep it more upbeat! I will still have to talk about my MIL so I will always remember these last days with her and what we're going through, but I will NOT let it be the focus of everything. I don't want to lose the 6 of you who actually read my blog lol. (Yes, there are now 6 of you! You guys rock!) OK, I get a lot of traffic to my site that indicates there's more then 6 of you but whatever, it still feels like I'm talking to a small crowd!

So there's my decision for the moment! I'l try to keep the 6 of you entertained so you'll come back for more. Or at least until something better comes along right? lol
I'll blog more later. Have tons of house cleaning and laundry to catch up on!







Sunday, November 9, 2008

Thanksgiving is racing towards me...

I have always loved Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday of the year. It's all about family and food and friends and memories. Being thankful for everything that we have while spending time with the ones I love. I see so many movies and shows and hear about people who dread going home for the holidays. Not me. I adore my family, flaws and all. Yes, for the past 10 years or so, either one or both of my brothers (when both were alive) were usually in jail and missed the holidays. And yes, there's always some sort of drama about who is coming and who is not, and who showed up 2 hours late. But to me the day is full of hope and dreams and everything that matters the most, my family.

We have a huge family. Our family reunions are humongous and take 2 years to plan in advance. And no, we're not polygamists. There are hundreds of us but we're spread out all over the country so holidays are usually small gatherings for us. Here in Utah is my mother and all of us kids and our kids. Then my Aunt and her husband live here and so do 4 of their kids and all of their children. My mom and my aunt and her husband are all Jehovahs Witnesses so they don't celebrate holidays so it's up to the rest of us "kids" to pull the holidays together. My aunts kids usually do their own thing and I head up the holidays for my family. A couple of times we've tried to mash the 2 together but we've been doing it separately for so long that it normally ends up that way. For my little family I'm the chef, the baker, the planner for everything for the holidays. So pretty much everything that needs to be done on Thanksgiving is done by me.

Since me and hubby have been together, the day is usually spent shuffling back and forth between my house, my sisters house, and hubby's families house. Before me and hubby got into a house, I'd usually have to wake up really early and we'd load my entire kitchen into hubby's truck and drive it all over to my sisters house since we didn't have room at our apartment to have everyone over to our house. While my sister is am amazing person, very giving, very sweet, funny, loving and all of that, she does not enjoy cooking. Or baking. Or anything domestic like that. It's not that she CAN'T cook or bake. She just WON'T. And since she's not domestic at all, her kitchen ware is pretty sparse. She has plates, cups, bowls and silverware but not much else. To cook at her house means trying to be MacGyver and using a pen and a shoelace jimmied together to roll out a pie crust. Kind of like camping but with running water. And less wild animals, unless you count the kids! She does make a mean breakfast though! lol

So we'd get to my sisters house, start the turkey and spend a few hours there while I got the dinner ready to a point where I could leave it in my sisters hands for awhile. (Meaning, all she needs to do while I'm gone is remember to baste the turkey for me!) We'd then head over to my inlaws to have dinner at their house and spend a few hours with them. Then it was back to my sisters house to finish up dinner and get it all to the table and have dinner with my family. Yes, it's a really full day for all of us and me and hubby are so stuffed that we're waddling home at the end of it. But it's worth it! Now that me and hubs are in a house, there won't be so much packing to do and I'll be able to start dinner in my own oven and use my own stuff to prepare the feast. And since we live across the street from my in-laws, running over there for a few hours will be very simple since I can run home and baste the turkey myself if I need to.

My MIL is one of those women who does everything from start to finish. Don't ask to bring anything because she will only tell you no, that it's all covered. Yes, I still ask every year and every year she tells me she has it all covered. Not once in the 7 years hubby and I have been together has she let me bring anything. If I had tried to anyways, like I did the first year, it would be met with a frown and disdain so there was no point. Not doing as she wanted actually put a cramp on the dinner together so I've learned to just do as she asks. (And yes, to answer what you're probably wondering right now, I also do everything from start to finish too so it sounds like my MIL and I are a lot alike in that aspect, but I do all of it out of *necessity* and not beause I *want* to do it all. For me, there's no other help really. And yes, my MIL and I are a lot alike in a lot of aspects which I think is why we butted heads so often and why our relationship was usually very strained. But that's a whole other post for a whole other day.

Thanksgiving this year is going to be really hard. My mother in-law is officially dying. It's now in black and white on her medical records. She's dying. The first oncologist she saw last week told her he could recommend chemo but she has less then a 25% chance of getting any better, even with treatment. The surgeon she saw Friday told her there was no point in chemo AT ALL and that she would be lucky to live another 2 months.

When she was in the hospital and we found out it was cancer and that it was every where, my new sister in law, my MIL's friend who's like a daughter to her, and myself all decided we would be handling everything at Thanksgiving. So I need to figure out a way to do my family's dinner as well as a huge part of my inlaws. I'm excited for it though. She's never much eaten my cooking and she's just recently realized that I am a great cook so this will be good. And since the dinner will still be at my inlaws, just with us cooking it, and we live across the street from my inlaws house, I'm sure I'll need to be doing the things that may not travel well like the turkey.

Anyone have any suggestions for me? This will be interesting and I need to start planning for it now! lol Last year I did a bunch of stuff ahead of the big day and froze it, like the mashed potatoes and pie crusts. I think I even made up the apple pie filling in advance, mixing the apples, cinnamon, sugar, butter, flour and all of that and froze it ahead of time so I could just pull it out and put it together and bake it. I didn't want it to be all reheated like it was leftovers so I put things together to ease some of the prep work but it was still freshly baked. Well, other then the mashed potatoes which I did just reheat. Anyone have any other suggestions though?

Well I better sign off. It's almost midnight and I have to be up for work tomorrow bright and early. Thanks for reading!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Is it Too Early For Eggnog and Carolling?

I've always loved Christmas. I adore the Christmas lights, the snow, the coziness of our houses all buttoned up tight, the scent of Christmas trees, the scent of wood burning into the neighbors fireplaces drifting through the air. The way that we are usually wrapping my sisters gifts until the wee hours of Christmas morning because she's a worse procrastinator then even I am. How her, DH and I are up most of the night laughing and drinking coffee to stay awake to finish the wrapping. How we're all so slap happy that none of us are making any sense at all. How we barely crawl into bed and shut our eyes when the kids are up wanting to open gifts. The way my sister and her kids spend the night at our house so all of us can wake up together. The way that my sister buys the kids matching pajamas so that every morning the kids all match. How we spend a very lazy day enjoying our new gifts, the kids playing with their new toys, and the adults going back down for a nap. I even love the shopping part, trying to find the right gift for someone I love. It all seems to fly by so quickly and I'm always trying to find a way to slow it down, make it last, stretch it out as far as I can before it's gone and the New Year starts. My only irritation with it is when stores start putting out decorations October 1st. It's like we can't even enjoy Halloween or Thanksgiving before Christmas is right there in front of us.

Our little family ritual is to put up our Christmas tree and house decorations the weekend after Thanksgiving every year. For some reason this year is different. I've been dying to put it all up NOW. In fact I begged DH to pull it all out 2 weeks ago and he thought I was crazy. Well first, he REFUSED, then said I was freakin nuts!

I'm not sure why I've been wanting to start the Christmas season yet. Is it because my MIL is so ill that maybe this will be her last Christmas with us? Maybe I'm wanting the familiar, the rituals, something that makes sense in our lives again. Christmas happens every year without fail. You can count on it. Life has been so crazy around here and so unpredictable. We don't know how long MIL has left with us. We don't know when she'll be gone. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. What I do know is that we need to make Thanksgiving and Christmas the best ones yet. So that all of us can remember these times when we're having to celebrate without her with us. I can't imagine a time when she won't be here. My brain can't wrap itself around that thought.

So for now, I want to make this the best holiday season we've ever had!

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Where I've been lately....

Hey everyone! I know all 3 of my readers have probably been wondering where I've been lately. Some of you belong to other groups I've given updates to and some of you follow me on Twitter where I've also been letting people know what's been happening. If you've already heard this, bear with me since there's a new update at the end. If you haven't seen any updates from me, read on...

Due to my FMS (fibro) I have a horrible short term memory and am really bad at remembering details of any kind so I'm going through my sent messages to paste them here.

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Very late on 10/17/08 and/or early morning on 10/18/08:
*****************************************************

Currently sittin at hospital waiting for my MIL to come out of emergency surgery. She went in for horrible stomach pains this morning and they took her in for surgery tonite.

They found cancer. A LOT of cancer. Enough to where they couldn't remove any of it because it was all over inside. They aren't sure where it originated but they did remove a tiny spot to have tests run on it but those won't be back for 3 or 4 days. The doctor said she needs to stay here at hospital at least until the test results are back.

She's only 55. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers!

she has been having so much stomach pain for about 18 months. They said at first they thought it was CDEF (CDF? sp?) and she got worse and worse as months went by. The doctor just kept throwing antibiotics at her and not doing much for her. She has literally been wasting away
this year. She hasn't been able to eat anything solid for the last 3 weeks.

The extremely bad part of all of this is she has no insurance!!! My FIL is a building inspector but is basically considered self employed so they don't have any sort of coverage. This could ultimately bankrupt them if this turns out to be really bad.

I'll let you know more when I know more.

*********************************************************************

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10/23/08:
**********

Good morning all! I wanted to send an update on my poor MIL while I was thinking about it.
She's not doing well at all. She's still in the hospital and seems to be getting worse each day. She was in such great spirits Saturday morning and then again on Sunday afternoon she seemed to be feeling much better. She started having horrible pains in her stomach again late Sunday, which is what brought her to the ER on Friday in the first place. She says it feels like horrible gas pains but since the cancer is in her stomach and intestines it might just be the pain from the cancer being in there. Doctors are still waiting for the biopsy they sent off late Friday night from the sample they took during surgery to come back from the lab. They thought it would be back by Monday or Tuesday at the latest but it still isn't back yet?!?!
Here's what I do know for sure so far:
The reason they took her in for the surgery Friday night was because one of the tests they ran while she was in the ER showed a very large blockage in her smaller intestine. They told her they were going in laperoscoply (if that's how you spell that?!?!?) to try and repair the smaller intestine and fix the blockage. The plan was to cut out the part that was all blocked up and then reconnect her smaller intestine back together, removing the blocked part. They told her that due to what the tests they'd run had already shown them, they WERE NOT going to open her up because there was so much cancer. They told her to open her up would "be a death sentence" due to the amount of cancer that they could already see. (something about how cancer grows faster or speeds up or something of that nature when it's met with open air or outside air or something like that). They couldn't repair the intestine so they OPENED HER UP!
Report from her surgery stated the cancer was pretty much everywhere and on everything in her stomach, intestines, organs etc. While there were tumors inside the intestine, the rest of the cancer is the "sticky adhesion" kind that is not possible to remove. The blockage turned out to be a bunch of cancerous tumors inside her smaller intestine which they were unable to remove due to the way it'd grown attached to something else in there. I'm not a doctor so I have no idea what exactly that entails. It was so bad that they weren't even able to reattach the smaller intestine back together. They rigged it so that her large and smaller intestine were hooked together somehow.

As of last night, the biopsy they'd sent off from the surgery was still not back. They're waiting on those results to try and find out what kind of cancer it is, where it originated from, etc.. Her pain levels have sky rocketed and they're not able to keep her pain under control even with her still having the epidural in from when they did the surgery and giving her pain meds through her IV on top of that. They said for her to get out of the hospital, she would have to be able to have her bowels working again and be able to eat and drink small amounts of things, her pain levels had to be under control somewhat, and of course, it all hinges on what the report says. Her bowels have started to wake up and yesterday she was trying to sip on a little bit of water but it only caused more pain. You can just hear the pain in her voice when she talks. She's having a hard time breathing now as well. We spoke to her late last night and she said she was hurting so much and couldn't breathe so they were going to come up and take her down for an ultrasound to see if they could see what the problem is. It sounds like it might have spread to her lungs and that could be why she's having such a hard time breathing. If it is in her lungs then she'll start having problems with fluid building up in there and having to get her lungs drained on a regular basis.
We are all so worried at this point. She's not doing well and her spirits are really low right now, reasonably so, but she was trying to be optimistic this past weekend and that seems to be gone now as well. I'm trying to be the "glue" that holds the whole family together over here which is causing my own health problems to flare up with the stress and exhaustion of trying to do it all on my own but there isn't any other option right now. Luckily we live across the street from my MIL and FIL so I'm able to keep a close eye on J's dad. I've been cooking for him and taking dinner to him everyday. Trying to keep his house going while mine seems to be falling apart! There's laundry for days and clutter here and there and since J and I both work full time, there isn't enough hours in the day to do it all but I'm trying. J's brother and his wife live over 2 hours away from us and J's brother is in school to become a nurse. Right now he's doing his clinicals which he can't miss so it's hard on them being so far away and not being able to help out or just sit with someone for awhile to keep them company. Luckily they'll be down on weekends so they'll be here tomorrow to help me out a little bit. J's no help right now because he's just beside himself with worry and grief that he's going to lose his mother soon. I just don't know what else to do for them all then what I'm doing. It just doesn't seem like enough though!
Well, i better end this novel I've been writing. Sorry to be so long winded. Thank you to everyone for all of your thoughts and prayers and good wishes you've been sending out way. Please keep them going. We'll need all the help we can get from the big man upstairs.

**********************************************************************************

That was the last update I'd sent to my groups. She was let go from the hospital last Saturday & was home all of 5 days when she got up one morning and walked to the bathroom and felt stuff running down her legs. She looked down and this gross brown/green/yellow crap was gushing down her stomach and legs. She hollered for my FIL to come to the bathroom and he rushed her to the ER again. It seems the doctors and nurses who discharged her last weekend neglected to send her home with antibiotics (oops!) and her huge incision on her stomach was completely infected. The infection was so bad that the infection ATE THROUGH her inner AND outer stitches so she was completely wide open! They had to put her back in the hospital to get the infection under control. The doctors told her they couldn't close her back up until all the infection was completely gone and that she'd need to be there for at least 3-4 days for treatment before they'd allow her to go home again. The ER nurse told her the docs should never have let her go home that first time without some sort of antibiotic to take as a precaution so that no infection would set in. They completed screwed up! But get this... They realized they really screwed up and that first night she was there at the hospital, after all of us had gone home, a nurse and 4 doctors came in late that night to give her morphine for the pain before she went to sleep. After they had doped her up pretty good, all of them started in on my MIL trying to get her to admit that they HAD sent her home with antibiotics and that she just forgot to take them! They were trying to get her on record saying it was HER fault she was all infected so she couldn't sue them for what happened. Can you believe that? She wouldn't admit it and they kind of kept brow beating her for about 30 minutes until they realized she wasn't going to say what they wanted her to say, even with her being all drugged up. She called us the next morning in a panic and wanting to leave the hospital because she didn't trust being alone there with them. Poor lady!

Now the docs said she would have to stay for at least 3-4 days to get the infection under control since it was so bad but yet they released her the next day! Her incision is 4 inches long and wide and is still wide open until the infection is gone. They have it packed with guaze right now and it has to be changed at least 3 times a day. They set her up with a home health care person who is supposed to come over 3 times a day to change the bandages and so far the lady has flaked out on her both times she was supposed to show up. We've tried calling the emergency number to get someone else and they aren't answering either. This morning my FIL ended up having to take her back to the ER to change the dressing since no one was there to help! It's been a complete mess.

Please keep her in your thoughts, prayers, or whatever it is that you believe in. She's going to need all of us rooting for her to stay strong and beat this. The sad part is that my FIL has pushed me and J away saying that he wants to take care of my MIL the way he needs to and wants to. It's been hard. On the one hand, I understand he needs to deal with this in his own way. But on the other hand, I also think he's not realizing that he's also taking away precious time that my MIL has left in this world that we'd like to spend with her as well. I'm not sure if there's denial about how bad off my MIL is right now or what. But I do think he thinks there will be plenty of time for us to spend with MIL when she's "better" but I don't think he understands she may not get any better. It's been really hard on all of us and we're all trying to stay strong.

So if you guys have been wondering where I've been and why I just stopped blogging for a few weeks, that's what's been happening in my side of the world. Hopefully now that she's home, and just across the street, I'll have a bit more time to keep in touch again.

Thanks for reading the novel I've written today lol.

Have a great one!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Now for some Utah Humor...

I know I've been slacking but I haven't been feeling too great lately! Ugh... Here's something a friend of mine emailed to me this morning. If you live in Utah, or have EVER lived in Utah, you will know how true these really are! I'll do a "real" post later on. I promise!

Now for the funny...



' Park City Barbie'


She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a million dollar home. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.


'Draper Barbie'


The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.


' Kearns Barbie'


This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.




'East Bench Barbie'


This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.




' West Valley Barbie'


This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.



' Emigration Canyon Barbie'


This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit
and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo.



' Magna Barbie'


This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Rose Park Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.



' The Avenues Barbie'


This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow . She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Avenues Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.


' Rose Park Barbie'


This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

' Provo Barbie'


She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always at church meetings.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

SITS Love Baby, SITS Love....

I've decided there are wayyyyy too many funny, witty, talented people out there in internet land. I've been neglecting my own blog because I've been spending too much time reading other peoples blogs. Well, that, and cuz I've been a twitter whore lately.

Today is the SITS Blogathon and I wanted to write and tell everyone about it. SITS, or Secret Is In The Sauce, has been a lifesaver! When I started my blog, I was doing it for me and me only. Then I started reading other peoples blogs and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. DING! Wow! Other people read these peoples blogs and say how funny they are or that they have felt that exact same way before too! Since I am such an attention whore (ok, that's twice I've called myself a whore now in this post... lol) I decided to find ways to put my blog out there so other people would know about it and come visit my blog.

SITS was a wonderful tool to get more people to my blog. The site is all about helping other bloggers get their blogs out there and read by other people with the same goal. It's been great to have people reading and commenting on your posts. It's like crack, but in a good way! lol

Now I'll be telling you about some of the blogs that I've learned about since I joined SITS. These are in no particular order except for teh first one. When I had to think about the 5 blogs I'd blog about it today, the Steenky Bee was the first one that came to mind. I've become her newest stalker and she's sooooooooooooo damn funny, I can't stand her! Ok, well actually I do stand her since I stalk her blog daily! I love Jen! She's very funny and she better watch out. She lives near me so I could actually stalk her for real if I were more ambitious. Since I'm kinda lazy and have a lot of mom stuff to attend to, she doesn't have to worry...

Now the others I'd like to mention in no particular order.... Not that i love you guys any less!

Mrs Mouthy

The Queen Bee

The Journey To The Hot Tub

I'm Being Held Hostage

Stolen BonBons

One Crafty Mama!

Tales of a Kansas Girl

SmoochieFrog

On the Upside

Mama's Losin It!

And since I can never decide on my favorites and there are tons out there, don't be surprised to come back and find this list added to!

I better get ready for work now. Happy SITS day everyone!

P.S. Since SITS is all about comment love, leave me some love wouldja!?!?!


Thursday, October 9, 2008

NOT a Wordless Wednesday... Halloweenee Funnies

It's the middle of the night and I am too tired to be witty and clever and do something cute for Wordless Wednesday so how about some Halloweeneeee funnies instead? I found all of these on photobucket...

Wanna see my boobees?



Yoda Dog...



This is actually what my neighborhood looks like right now!



I'm having these made into cards to send out to all my friends and family this year...



I'm so dressing up J like this for halloween...






And this is how I'll be answering my door this Hallween...
(It should save all the candy so I can eat it by myself after the kids all go home!)






Wouldn't it be sweet if we could give this curse to all the men?



Any mother who's had a baby, especially if you breast fed knows how sad and true this one is...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

How do I get rid of the evil sickness in my house?

B has never been in daycare before. Since he was a baby we've been completely lucky (and grateful!) that my mom has watched him since he was born while we worked. This past summer my MIL took care of him too. This is his first year of school and he's in kindergarten. While it's been good for him to be around kids his own age and get into a routine, there's one thing I'm not excited, or prepared for...

THE GERMS!!!!!!

B started school on Sept 2nd. It's now October 7th. He's been sick a total of 4 TIMES ALREADY! He was sick enough that he missed 2 days of school between his first and second week of school. He's sick again! Poor little guy is sneezing and dripping and coughing all over the place. I was so not prepared for him to be sick ALL THE TIME when he started school. Someone tell me that his little immune system will get tougher over the next few months so he's not bringing home every germ that he comes in contact with!?!?!

I can't handle THIS. MUCH. SNOT! Seriously. It's everywhere and on everything. I'm going to have to start wearing a slicker pretty soon if he doesn't get better. And the funny thing is that his K teacher is one of the most germaphobic people I've met. B's come home with no less then 4 pieces of "germ" artwork each week since school started. You guys have heard of dream catchers right? He and his classmates made a "germ" catcher. A big thing that looks like a persons head and upper body with arms. The arms are holding a picture of what a germ looks like in one hand. The other hand is holding a tissue for "when he needs to cough or sneeze to catch the germs." How funny is that? I'll take a picture tonight of him and his artwork and post it here so you guys can see it.

I better be going so I can get reading for work.

BTW, Ms Peabody is still peeing and crapping EVERYWHERE!!!! How the hell do I get her to stop? We've tried everything and can't get her housebroken. J's ready to give up and send her packing. Someone please tell me how to break her of this bad habit before J wraps up all her things in a hankerchief and ties it around a long stick and sends her on her way!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

WTH??? It's 4 AM!!!!

I've been up since 4:00 this morning.

FOUR

A.

M.

Normally, I am the type of girl who lays her head down on the pillow and I'm down for the count. Other then sometimes waking up to use the bathroom, I'm a goner all night long. Sometimes I'm out even before laying down. I can fall asleep at my desk (shhhh don't tell my boss), in the car, sitting up, sitting sideways, bent backwards (don't ask) and yes, even on the potty. I guess that has something to do with me having Narcolepsy huh? But for some reason the past few weeks, sleep keeps escaping me. It's RIGHT. THERE. but I just can't grasp it. I'm reaching for it, stretching out to grab it but at the last second, it moves away.

I have had a lot of things going on lately, some of which I haven't even shared with you guys, my three readers, so I guess that could be a big reason for the long sleepless nights. I'm so tired at night and sometimes I can fall asleep like normal. But then, in the middle of the night, I wake up and can't go back to sleep. Of course, then I'm completely exhausted and fighting to keep my eyes open around now, 6 am, when it's time for me to get up and ready for work. Doesn't seem quite fair that I'm ready to fall back to sleep only when it's time to get up again!

I have Saturdays and Sundays off of work but J works on Saturdays so it's just me and B today. Our new favorite ritual is to go to Einstein Bagels after dropping my mom off at work. So we'll do that this morning for breakfast. Then the rest of the day will be spent cleaning up this house. Its not messy by anyones normal standards but J is a neat freak and is not normal! So it's messy for us. And I have a bunch of laundry to do. Guess it's been all the hours I've been spending here on the couch playing on my laptop that's been affecting the housework. Who knew if you were constantely screwing around, reading blogs, that your house would look like a bomb hit it? On the upside though, I've made some new spidy friends in all the cobwebs that have grown in the corners of my rooms. I'm telling everyone they're Halloween decorations and then won't have to deal with them until November...

I'm off and running to start my day. Hope everyone has a great Saturday!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Goodbye summer! It's been nice...

I think my little blog has gotten too serious these days. Obviously when you find out your husband’s been cheating on you, your life gets a little, shall we say, INTENSE?!?!? But I don’t want to bore my readers to tears, all 3 of you, so let’s talk about something else huh? (Update on me and hubs… We’re working things out, rebuilding the broken path, kissin' and makin' up and all that good stuff that’s supposed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside).

The mornings and nights here in Utah are getting cooler and cooler. The afternoons are still as hot as ever (can you say HOT FLASHES peeps?) but the mornings and nights are getting down right chilly. We have the heater going all night and all morning but then the air conditioner needs to be on full blast during the day. I'm so ready for fall. I love the crisp air, the way the air smells kind of smoky from all the fireplaces being used again after the long hot summer. The leaves on the trees are starting to change to golds, reds and yellows. But, if you blink you'll miss it. For the past few years it seems we go from a long hot summer to a long frigid, cold winter. in between there's about 2 minutes of beautiful fall weather. it's the same with Spring. We get about 2 minutes of gorgeous, cool weather before it gets too hot to be outside.

While I will miss the bbq's, outdoor parties, drive inn movies, and yes, I'll admit it, the YARD SALES, I am looking forward to bundling up, baking goodies, soups, stews, and warm socks. Of course, if you tell me I said all this 2 weeks into winter, I will deny, deny, deny! I'm never happy lol... And I only love the snow when I can stay inside my nice cozy house and don't have to go out in it. Driving in that kind of weather is only for those with a death wish, which I thankfully do not have.

Well it's getting late and I am so exhausted that I'm starting to think this post will come off as smart and intelligent, so I better go.

P.S. I am soooooo angry! We went out to dinner with my sister to Applebees tonight, while my DVR was SUPPOSED TO BE recording my favorite shows. We got home and it had run out of space!!!! So instead of me settling in to watch the latest episode of Lipstick Jungle, it only recorded 5 MINUTES of it! Now what do I do?

Friday, September 26, 2008

Are Things Looking Up? Or am i Just Looking Away?

Ever since the day we shall call the-day-I-pulled-my-head-outta-my-ass-and-confronted-my-worst-nightmare, things have been different around here. He has been a much happier, more contended person this past week. It's like someone slipped him some of my good drugs, ya know the ones I hide when company comes over? He's been really happy and smiley, almost like the man I fell in love with. It's been nice and surreal all at the same time.

I am not sure if it's because his secret is out in the open now and he's no longer having to sneak around and hide things from me. And maybe he feels relieved.

And maybe he's realized what a GIGANTIC ASS he made of himself and how he risked the biggest and best thing that's ever happened to him.

Maybe he realized he risked his entire family and his entire future over this stupid woman he claims didn't mean anything to him.

And maybe that day he pictured our sons beautiful face in his mind and realized JUST.LIKE.THAT. it could have all been gone.

Ya, and MAYBE tomorrow I'll wake up to a clean house, rainbows in the sky and unicorns dancing on my front lawn!

MAYBE I'm being a tard, WANTING him to feel these things. WILLING him to think these things. DYING for him to realize what a humongous mistake this was.

I want to believe it. I badly want to believe it! He tells me things that I desparately want to hear and I need to believe what he says. For my families sake, I need to believe all of it. There's 7 years and a beautiful, gorgeous, funny and intelligent 6 year old little boy riding on it, counting on me, to believe all of it.

I've surprised myself, even scared myself a little, with how easily I've wanted to move past this part of our life and get to a better place. I've quickly and happily gone back to our routines, the I love you's, morning coffee together before work, clean laundry, dinners, dishes, bathtimes, laughter and snuggles. I've willed myself to this place of family contentment with him by my side. He's been grateful I haven't chosen to leave him, thankful I asked the questions I had and then dropped it. There are still questions I need answers to but not right now. Every day there are new questions that i MUST know the answers to, but I can't bear to hear those answers while this is still so fresh and new in my heart. The wound is still bleeding profusely and it needs to heal a little before I can let anything new into it.

I don't want this post to come off as stupid-wife-looks-the-other-way-while-husband-continues-affair-she-refuses-to-believe-is-going-on. My eyes are wide open. He's on a short leash. His cell phone records are being checked, call and text record logs searched for her number or any other number that I know doesn't belong to any of our family or friends.

So what's a supermom/domestic diva to do? Well, besides washing all the dirty, icky boy underwear, cleaning up after Miss Peabody (who still can't tell the difference between our kitchen rug and the grass outside), and finding all the toy action figures who've gone missing in "combat"?

She plows through. She holds her head up high, reminds herself that SHE IS THE BETTER WOMAN in all of this, and SHE will win in the end since she's the one who holds his heart.

I'm the one who's stuck by him through thick and thin, through the births and deaths of various family members, through all of it.

I am the one he loves and the one he's still attracted to even after all these years.

I am the one he can't keep his hands off of even though I've put on 40 lbs since he first met me.

I'm the one he takes care of when I am in so much pain that I can't even roll over in bed to take my pain medication in the cold, dark winter mornings.

I'm the one he gently and lovingly gathers in his arms to help me get out of bed and to the couch so I can watch TV while I wait for my medication to kick in before I can start my day.

I'm the one he runs hot bubble baths for when I've had a horrible day at work and it's storming out and I'm not feeling good at all.

I'm the one he pours coffee for every morning while I'm still half asleep.

I will be the one he's still with 40 or 50 years from now as we watch our grandbabies grow.

"SHE" will only be a distant memory...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Just wondering...

Just wondering if anyone elses husband cleans the kitchen as well as mine does? To be fair, I didn't take pics of any of the counters, which were cleared off. They weren't wiped down, but they were cleared off at least. He does this every single time he cleans the kitchen!

I run the dishwasher every morning so the dishes are clean by the time we get home from work. But if I don't unload the clean dishes, and he goes to clean up after dinner, this is what the sink looks like. His excuse? The dishes weren't clean! Um, ya they were, I just ran them through this morning. He says, no there was a film or something on them so i had to rewash them! It's amazing how if I unload the clean dishes they come out just fine but when he goes to put them away, they're still dirty?

Maybe the dishwasher knows it's him and spits film on the dishes before he opens the dishwasher door? Some little evil creatures just sitting and waiting for him to reach for that handle.


Can you say L-A-Z-Y??

Monday, September 15, 2008

A death in the family and a hole in the wall....

Tonight J's grandma died. She's been going downhill for a few years now, first with various age related health problems, then she got dementia. She's gotten sicker and sicker the past year. J's grandpa, a very healthy, fit, strict military man has been taking care of her 24/7 and we've watched him deteriorate right along side of her. Grandma made grandpa promise that he would take care of her and not put her in a nursing home so he did his best to try and do everything for her, sometimes going for days without sleeping.

I of course got this information 2nd hand from my MIL. See, when J and I found out we were pregnant with B, we weren't married and his grandparents said we were going to hell. They are very strict Mormon and weren't shy about telling us we were going to eternal damnation for having a "bastard" child. And I kid you not, those were their EXACT words. Needless to say it didn't make for warm and cozy holiday get togethers. They wanted nothing to do with me or with the cutest little baby to ever see the face of the earth, at least in our eyes, unless J and I decided to get married. So we didn't spend a lot of time together and it wasn't until about 2 years ago they warmed up to B. Never me, but B became the light of their lives.

There's a whole lot of back story that is too late to go into. Long story short, grandma is my MIL's stepmother. Grandma inherited 3 kids when she married grandpa and she immediately did whatever she could to get rid of those kids. She treated them horribly, hit them, tried to send them away, she even once scratched her neck, face, and scalp all up right in front of my MIL and then told Grandpa my MIL did it! (Can you say PSYCHO? I know you can!) I think she even threw herself down some stairs at one point saying my MIL had done that too. I think my MIL was only 12 or 13 when the stairs and scratches happened. Grandpa always believed her, never my MIL.

No matter what issues and problems I have with my MIL, she has selflessly given a ton of time to take care of this woman, who has continued to be a nasty nightmare to my MIL even through her dementia. She's held on to the "hatred" for my MIL even when her mind was too far gone to remember who she was or how she got there. My MIL has been driving 45 minutes (one way) to grandma and grandpas house to help with housework, yardwork, errands, whatever they needed almost every day for the past 3 or 4 years. They knew grandma was dying, we even thought she wasn't going to make it the weekend my BIL and his fiance were getting married last month. Tonight we got the call that she was finally gone. We just hope grandpa can stay strong and not let himself slip away after grandma is buried. He's wrapped his whole life around grandma since she got sick and I don't think he remembers his life without the constant care of grandma. Please keep grandpa in your prayers. Well, my whole extended family could use the prayers about now.

So much else happened today but it's getting too late and I need to hit the sack. I'll leave you with the wonderful sight I got home to tonight...


My sister calls our puppy 'Miss Peebody" for obvious reasons. But we may have to start calling her Jaws or something. I guess she got bored and her teeth were hurting her since she's teething so she decided to chew a hole in the freakin WALL. The WALL!!!! I get her little teeth are hurting her and she feels the need to bite something hard, and the million bones and toys we've bought her obviously aren't enough, but why the WALL??!?!? B went through his teething stage also but the kid never took out any plaster!



A closeup of the damage. Down to the plaster!








You can even see the plaster on the carpet where it came off in chunks! What the hell is wrong with this dog? I think she's possessed or something! There's something just NOT RIGHT with her!

Not a good night...

What happens when you find something you never wanted to find or that you never hoped you'd find in a million years? I don't snoop for a reason. NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES FROM IT!!!! You never find good things when you snoop. Even at Christmas, if you snoop to find out what he's bought you, then there's always that little letdown Christmas morning when you open your gifts and have to do that fake surprised smile like you just had no idea what was in that wrapping paper. Remember on Sex and the City where Carrie is dating that great guy and she figures he's too perfect so when he leaves her alone in his apartment one morning, she goes nuts snooping through everything trying to find something on him? Turns out she didn't find anything at all but she got dumped for being a freak and not trusting him.

I was innocently playing with his new phone last night since he said i could about a week ago to see if I wanted to upgrade my new phone to the one he just got. I then wanted to check to see if he actually got that text I sent him yesterday telling him to shut up or get out. I found something a little odd... Texts between him and who I can only assume is another woman. FLIRTY TEXTS. Texts that he and I write to each other, that usually only come between 2 people who are close or who are hoping to become close. There wasn't any talk of meeting or anything like that but they were flirty nonetheless. But here's the crazy thing. He had deleted EVERY SINGLE ONE of the texts she had sent to him. All that was left were the texts he sent to her in his outbox/sent thing on his blackberry. I guess he thought if I looked on his phone, I wouldn't see anything in the inbox and that would be that. And here's the other thing I find odd.

She's not someone in his address book on his phone. All the texts only show a phone number, no name. This man has everyone and his dog that he's ever met since high school saved in his address book. He has the name and number of a body shop mechanic we used about 6 YEARS AGO still in his address book. He's very organized and the minute he gets someones number, or someone changes their number, he immediately saves it. Now why would he not save her number like he does everyone else?

And what exactly do I do now? I wasn't really snooping. But he'll think I was. I was playing with his phone like I've done a million times. He's never had anything to hide. The texts to her only started about 9 days ago, at least that's how far back they're saved on his phone. I have a sneaky sensation I know who it is. A few weeks ago he asked me if I remembered this woman he was talking to online when we met. J and I got serious immediately after we met. Like we met on July 3rd and have been together every single day since that day. Not one day have we ever been apart or gone without seeing each other. Well this girl ended up being kinda needy. We tried setting her up with our roommate at the time and the 4 of us went on a double date to kinda break the ice. She was more interested in J then the roommate we tried to set her up with. She spent the whole night talking to J instead of our roommate and batting her eyelashes and flipping her hair AT HIM. When I was pregnant with B I asked him to stop communicating with her. They were only talking online but she was kinda getting more and more needy and he openly admitted she was flirting with him and I saw the things she'd say to him. He stopped talking to her a few years ago. Then a couple of weeks ago he asked if I remembered her and I said, ya, I remembered she was in love with you and he laffed about it and said that she had found him on myspace again and wanted to talk. I, of course, rolled my eyes at that one and said I bet she wanted to "just talk." And again he laffed at me. Innocent enough. But i think thats who this is.

I don't want to say anything because if he knows he's being watched he'll delete the calls from his phone log and delete the sent texts from his blackberry. At which point I'd have to trust that he's not doing anything. But maybe they're not doing anything and he's just being an idiot flirting with her. I dunno what to do or say.

Anyone got any suggestions? Now's the time i need some comments from all you readers out there. All 3 of you lol...

Hope someone can give me some advice!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

What are we doing????

How many times can you say you're sorry? How many times can you cry and apologize over and over again before you're all cried out, all "sorry'ed" out, all dry inside and can no longer say it anymore? And how many times should you be punished for what happened? How many times can he yell and rant and rave about the same thing over and over until his face is bright red and looks like he's going to explode?

I'm done. I'm over it all. I'm not even sure it's all my fault anymore. No, I didn't cheat, I didn't murder anyone, but he acts like I did. If one person is really sick with a bad memory and can't even remember how she drove to work this morning, would you put that person in charge of important details? Noooooo..... Especially since he refused to help at all with it for years and years. I'm lucky I remembered to get dressed this morning before I left the house, or that my bra wasn't on the outside of my shirt. Or, ya know, that I haven't left B at the bread store while I was getting hamburger buns! (Hey, I woulda remembered on the way home when I noticed there was no singing or babbling coming from the backseat)

Now it's as though he wants me to be reminded every effin day how I screwed up so I finally got mad enough to tell him to either shut up or get the hell out.

He was going on and on over the phone today when he called me from work. I ended up hanging up on him which isn't exactly grown up but when someone doesn't shut up for 15 minutes straight and is just yelling and yelling, you do what cha gotta do!


I've found the best way to communicate with him WHICH ACTUALLY GETS MY POINT ACROSS SO THAT HE HEARS ME, is to text him. For some it might seem more impersonal then an actual phone call or a talk face to face but hey, if he can't be reasonable or calm down enough to have an adult conversation that doesn't include his face turning 50 shades of red, that's my only option. Then my message is right there in black and white and he has to hear it.

I texted him saying I know I fucked up and I know you hate me for what's happened but you either need to try and forgive me and drop this so we can work on moving forward and fixing it or there is no point in staying together. Its not healthy for you to be angry at me all the time. It's not healthy for me to be stressed out all the time and getting yelled at every day and it's definitely not good at all for B to be around the constant tension in the house. It's up to you, but you need to do one or the other because I won't live like this anymore.

After I sent this there was this cone of silence for about 4 hours. I did some housework (aka reading other blogs), then took a nap. I woke up to a quiet house. His work truck was parked in front of the house but he wasn't here and neither was B. B ended up being outside playing with the neighbor kids in the back yard. (and before I get hate mail that I fell asleep and my son was outside playing, he knows to stay inside while mommy naps. He went outside when J got home and said he could go play. I'm lame but I'm not that lame lol..) J was across the street at his mothers. (Yes, we live across the street, almost directly across the street, from my in laws but that's a whole 'NOTHA post for a whole 'NOTHA day!) He came home around 5:00 happy as a clam, acting like nothing had happened between us today. He said his brother and our new sister in law were in town for the night and his parents were taking us all to dinner so we needed to be ready by 5:30.

So I guess he has decided to try and put it behind us, at least for today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but for now, hopefully the blaming and finger pointing will stop for a little while. A girl can dream right?

Be back in a while...

Sorry I've been MIA... I have a ton of errands to run this morning while I have the soccer mom van while my moms at work...

I'll be posting later today...

Try not to miss me!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Wha???? aka She's Too Sexy for her Brows!

Overheard today at work while I was in the bathroom stall...

Lady looking in mirror: You know what?

Her coworker/friend in one of the other stalls: What's that?

Lady looking in mirror: My eyebrows are going to be gorgeous when they actually COME IN...

Friend who has no idea how to respond: Uhhhh, wha?? (which was said with this huge amount of disbelief that this woman actually just said that and WTF did it actually mean?)

Lady with no brows looking in mirror: Uh, never mind.

#1, I'm guessing she just realized that yes, she DID just say that out loud and #2, she wasn't alone when she said it.

OMG what is that about? I have a grown up job so it wasn't like this discussion took place at a Chuck E Cheese by some 4 year old who couldn't wait until she finally got hair in all the right places. No, this was said by a grown up woman who is at least in her mid 30's.

I'm curious about where the brows had gone? Did she lose them somewhere? Did they get burnt off in some freak fire accident? Did she lean too close to her gas stove cooking dinner recently? Did someone get mad at her for being the first one to fall asleep at the slumber party and they shaved them off while she was zonked out? Seriously, inquiring minds wanna know!

Here's me in the stall: snicker, snicker, snicker, snort (at which point I gave myself away and they hurry and left since they weren't alone in the bathroom)

Hey, at least SOMETHING funny happened to me at work today!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Yes, as a matter of fact, I AM bitter!

J's been working 6 days a week for almost 3 months now. He's working 12-14 hours each day with only Sundays off. When he IS home, he's useless. He's so tired by the time he gets off work, he only wants to relax and can't help me with anything. I don't blame him; if I were working that hard and that much, I'd be useless, I mean exhausted, too. He still comes home, stomps around the house and bitches and moans about how the house is a mess, and what a lousy day he's had, like he did before he was working this much. Now, you have to understand, a "mess" to him is actually "tidy" by almost everyone else's standards.

There is one thing I've never mentioned here yet. J is a neat freak. Not just a regular ol' neat freak who likes the house to be clean at all times. No, this is the OCD-socks arranged by hue and color-canned foods lined up perfectly on the shelf-dish towels folded, hung, and spaced exactly the same distance apart-Monk twin/sleeping with the Enemy-type of neat freak. The man can tell at a glance if one of the 600+ DVD's we have are missing or if one of B's 100+ star wars figures is gone from the shelf. So when he comes home whining that the house is a mess, it actually looks pretty damn good to me.


And it's not like I am home, eating bon-bons and watching my "stories" on TV. No, I work full time too. And with all of the health problems I have, he's lucky I get half of what I do done on my own. But, I feel like a single parent anymore. I'm the one who cooks and cleans and worries about getting B to and from school, organizes the drs appts, does the laundry, gives B his baths, gets him ready for bed, and all the things the parents do. I know most moms carry the bigger burden of childcare and the house cleaning but this is ridiculous. I don't think he's done ANYTHING to help with B in a few weeks now.


So yes, I'm feeling bitter tonight since I've been in a lot of pain today and I'm exhausted myself. But instead of being able to come home, lay down on the couch and go to sleep like a certain bump on a log did today, I still had to do everything else around here and put B to bed. He needs the rest but hey, so do I!!!! All right, I guess I'm done having my pity party tonight. Just wanted to vent and put this out into the universe since I can't do much about the situation until he goes back to working 5 days instead of 6. Well, that, or I end up smothering him in his sleep with his pillow at which point I beccome a single parent for real and then I really find out I didn't know what I was talking about at all because it would definitely be harder all on my own.


I need to go to bed, I don't think I'm making any sense anymore lol


Have a good night!

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Where have I been?

It's been a few days since I've posted. I guess I should apologize right now for having a life lol I never knew how much time blogging takes up and I just began!



So this past week, B has started school, I've hurt my back even worse then before (thank you elevator at work), I've given in and started using a walker, and we went to the Utah State Fair! Whew! It's been a busy, crazy week which is why, if any of you are even listening, I've been missing from my blog. Well that, and I haven't had any private time to write since Tuesday.


Yes, it's true... I haven't shared with J or anyone in my family yet that I've started a blog. I started it for me because I needed an outlet for my so called creative side. Of course, the jury is still out on my "creative" side, but that's what we'll call it for now. I've been reading blog and after blog and I've come to the conclusion I'm doing this blog MORE for the fact to have a record of my life and my sons life, well, and J too. lol I've decided that there's been so many things that this illness/sickness has taken from me and my life and the absolute *WORSE* thing this has stolen from me are my memories. This illness has taken the day my son walked for the first time, his first words, (which J insists were mama and dada in that order), the first time he rolled over, crawled, his first bath. Of course, I have photos of all of it, but a photo only says so much. I figured if I started to blog, I could document things in our life so I can look back and read things and REMEMBER them.

I wished I would have done this long ago but to be honest, I didn't have the time or the energy, or, actually the laptop either. Now I can blog from the couch or my bed when I feel like shit, which, lets face it, is ALLLLLLLL the time. Especially now that my back is killing me again. I'm gonna go back and try and post the days I've missed this week. Or, maybe, catch up on my DVR episodes I've recorded of my 'entertainment porn" which is the Chelsea Handler Show.


She's so hilarious although I don't really get when she goes deeeeeep into Hollywood.

All right, I guess I'll be going now. Hope everyone has a wonderful Saturday.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

All grown up...

I called in sick to work today (back issues again) and was home for his first day of school. This is the first pic I took that afternoon. Can you see how his face just radiates the excitement he's feeling?

I begged him to pretend to be excited for school and this is fhe fake smile I was rewarded with... lol
Here he is with his nana (my mom). She thought maybe he'd actually smile for me if she posed with him. If you knew my mother at all, you would know that she was really worried about him and how nervous he was. she doesn't pose for photos AT ALL! For any reason! So for her to offer to be in the picture with him was HUGE so we got a half smile of sorts...

Here are his new DC shoes he insisted he have for school. Ever since his 4th bday, it's the only sort of shoe we can get him to wear. Good thing J's mom LOVES to shop and spoils him rotten. He was rewarded with not just one pair, but a 2nd black pair, of DC shoes for school.


Here he is just before we were leaving the house to take him to school.



Here he is when we got to school. I think the smile was finally genuine, even for just one second..



And again, another fake smile that he gave me to try and get me to stop taking photos. Hey, it was either snapping pictures and silently tearing up behind my sunglasses, or, no pictures but sobs upon sobs of me crying "my baby is growing up!!!!



Here's a smile I got after he saw some of his friends from our neighborhood outside the school and he sorta realized, hey, this might be ok and I PROBABLY won't throw up from the nervousness.


The 2 of us...

This one is called "Ok, maybe I WILL be throwing up after all!" He complained all morning that he felt like he was "gonna be sick" and "mommy, maybe I should just call in sick on my first day of school until I feel better!" Bless his little heart...


Poor kid...


I was a mess after I left him at school. The school has the kindergarten classes line up outside the school before and after class so I didn't even get to go in to his class to say goodbye. I left the school, took my mom home, ran a couple of errands and then went home to wait for him to get out. It was so weird not having him there and I was so worried about him since he was so nervous about going. But of course, he got home and was happy and had fun and met a new friend named Lucas who B informs me he calls Luke Skywalker. Yes, he's a big Star Wars fan.
Kids adapt so well to new things. I wish I could do that half as well as he does!

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