Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Heating Pads, Food & Orgasms




That's the sound of me blowing the dust off my blog. Because it's been forever since I posted. Or a couple of weeks, same diff.

Still don't have a job but there's still money coming in for awhile so I'm not stressed out. Yet.

I've been taking it day by day, trying to be a good little housewife. Doing laundry, cleaning, making dinner almost every night. All the normal, day to day crap I'm in charge of all by myself since I'm the only one not working.

And I'm bored out of my mind!!!! My brain is turning to mush. I have such a greater respect for stay at home moms now. I always thought I would enjoy staying home, raising my kiddo, doing the domestic stuff, instead of working.

I so don't.

I enjoy spending this time with my son, who will be 7 later this month. Don't get me wrong. But he's old enough that he doesn't need me as much. He has his friends in the neighborhood, wants to be outside enjoying summer with them, or playing his XBOX.

Damn XBOX. Damn Call of Duty game. All the gunshots and artillery fire are grating on my nerves. (Can you get PTSD from listening to a war game all the time?)

I have lists, each a mile long, of things I want to accomplish while I'm unemployed. And no energy to do any of it. The chronic health issues I deal with daily make it nearly impossible to bust ass all the time. Those health issues alone are hard enough to deal with but I'm also trying to wean myself off all my medications.

Chronic pain usually requires strong narcotic pain medication. It definitely did in my case and I've been on strong pain killers for 9 years now along with stimulant meds for my Narcolepsy that helped keep me awake during the day. After years of taking these meds, your body becomes dependent on them. Not addicted but dependent. (And I'm not in the mood for the addicted vs dependent argument so don't start with me on that one today!)

I lost my health insurance when I was laid off and the medications I have been taking for years now require monthly visits to my doctor & blood and urine tests. All of which equal huge dollar signs. Which aren't possible since I was laid off. It's a crappy cycle.

I've been slowly lowering my doses on my pain and Narcolepsy meds since the end of June. And my body is not happy. I'm going through withdrawals in a big way which sucks big donkey dicks. I can't sleep. I'm trying to do without the pain meds my body needs for me to be able to function halfway normal like regular people do. Pain meds controlled my chronic pain levels to a point where I could actually get out of bed (most of the time), go to my full time job (90% of the time), and try to take care of my house and family (with help from Mr Man of course).

Yes, I was STILL in horrendous pain but the meds usually made it a "bearable" pain. Taking my pain levels from a 9 to a 7 on a scale of 1-10. Still awful but I could at least push through the pain most days. Now I'm trying to do without that help. All I want to do is sleep all day, curled up with my heating pad which has become my new BFF. Seriously, if it could make me dinner and give me orgasms, I'd never have to leave my room.

So what's a girl to do? I continue to do what I've always done. Force myself to get off my ass, take care of my family & home as best as I can with my limitations, and be a good mom. Even if that means I have to take 5 naps a day, it all has to get done right?

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