Monday, March 16, 2009

Totally Handy if You Lose Your Balls!

So yesterday the whole freak show, I mean family, and I went to the Outdoor Expo here in Utah. It's something Mr Man and I take B and our 2 nephews, Thing 1 & Thing 2, to every year. This year my sister and her man friend wanted to come along so we all loaded up the truck and
we drove to Beverly... Oh wait, that's a song...

Normally the Outdoor Expo is half hunting and the other half is fishing, camping, boating and other outdoor nonsense that focuses on the latest & greatest in outdoor thingamabobs and watchamacallits that each man, woman and child can not be without when the urge to be "one
with nature" calls. (How was that for a run on sentence?) This year I think I saw one booth for camping and all the rest was for hunting and fishing. Which sucked ass. Big ass. All I was interested in was camping gear since I am not big on killing or catching anything in the wilderness.

There were, of course, some awesome things that were almost worth the $500 it seemed like we spent yesterday. The youth fair taught the young 'uns how to fasten their life jackets while the boat was about to tip over in the choppy waters. Never mind that we don't have a boat yet but it's nice to be prepared right? It was pretty funny watching all the little kids get tossed up and down and thrown all about by these old guys moving this little row boat around while they scurried to get the life jackets buckled. One little guy was almost tossed overboard but luckily he saved himself.

They also taught them how to build a campfire and how to make sure it was completely "out cold" before leaving the campsite or before going to bed. (Much like me back in my partying days when I'd had a few too many! Ok, so that was totally last weekend. What's your point?)

But, I'm thinking that the camouflage NEGLIGEE, complete with camo lace trim, was probably not something I just had to have before I left the expo yesterday. First of all, when we go camping, even during the summer, it's usually colder then a witches tit at night. And we have a trailer! I know it's warmer to sleep in less clothes, or naked, (ask me how I know that one) when the temperature drops outside, but a negligee? Seriously? Who goes camping, or hunting, and while packing thinks, "Oh, I better remember to pack my camo negligee?" The person who packs that probably also packs her camo high heels and matching skirt, which are just about as practical!

I'm guessing that this is probably geared towards the wife whose husband is not just a dedicated hunter, but the psycho, crazed "let's-have-our-honeymoon-in-a-pop-up-tent-trailer-while-I-kill-deer-and-hell-ya-I-think-that's-totally-romantic-just-ignore-all-the-blood-and-guts" and the "I-know-your-due-any-minute-but-your-water-better-not-break-this-week-because-it's-the-deer-hunt-and-if-it-does-you'll-be-on-your-own-broad!" type hunter. The poor woman married to this type of man probably does need something like this to get his eyes turned away from the all antlers and back to her!

Among the other useless things I saw were the "Extra Balls" that were glow in the dark. They really were named "Extra Balls" and they were extra golf balls. That glowed in the dark. Just in case you were playing golf. In the dark. In the wilderness. Ya, I don't get it either.

As my final note, I have a sales tip for a few of them for next year....

When it's near the end of the day and you're trying to unload as much of your product as possible so you don't have to pack it home, and you're lying to people that the jars on the table are "all that's left" so that customers really need to make up their mind quickly before it's all gone...

You might want to, oh, I don't know...

Maybe, COVER UP all the open boxes under the table (that we can all see) that show the hundreds and hundreds of jars you still have left. It's really not rocket science guys. Just sayin!

1 comment:

Heather said...

I personally think the glow in the dark golf balls are for the deer and other woodland animals when they aren't hiding from the hunters. No huh?

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