Is It Too Late To Become An Astronaut?

My son asked me the other day what I wanted to be "when I grow up."

I tried to explain I am grown up. That mommy is just "between jobs" since I was laid off. And he just kept saying, "I knoooooow but what do you want to BE?!?!

How do you explain that you aspired to be many things growing up but due to certain circumstances, life choices, and too much alcohol (ha) you never went to college to "become" anything really? That you ended up becoming an Order Entry Admin? Wasn't exactly what I dreamed about as a kid.

Who dreams about sitting at a desk all day getting screamed at by customers? (Which, by the way, I'm wonderful at in case you have a job opening at your company for one Order Entry Goddess!)

As a kid I dreamed about growing up and becoming a writer, an artist, a teacher and a mother. Life happens though and sometimes your life is derailed. Sometimes, due to circumstances, you have to focus on your family and help take care of your brothers while your mom works full time and goes back to college at the age of 45. I'm extremely proud of her for that considering she never even graduated high school and had to get her GED first. (She dropped out of school when she was really young to take care of her mother when she was dying of cancer.) Then I had to do the same thing, take care of my brothers, all through high school while she tried to support all 3 kids by herself.

There was no money for college and to be honest, I was too busy to think about *MY* future really. I was busy helping to raise a family. I didn't have time for anything extra. No clubs, dances or anything that required my time before or after school.

So as I sit here, unemployed and looking for work, his question resonates in my head. What do I want to BE?

How Much Daytime TV Can You Watch Before Your Ass Becomes One With the Couch?

I've been hiding out. In a big way. I've slipped into this funk and can't seem to shake it. I had to sign some legal stuff this week that I did NOT want to sign. I felt like shit putting my name on that little black line. Like I was signing away my dignity. "Sign your name then please bend over!" Whether I was or not is mostly in my own mind I'm sure but that's what it felt like.

So that makes it real right?

I know there have been people from my past reading/subscribing to my blog that I would rather didn't. People I no longer speak to and have cut off communication with. Knowing they're visiting and reading my blog, my own thoughts, has stressed me out in such a huge way that I've almost felt compelled to stop blogging here.

Almost.

Yes, blogging is never really "private" unless you mark your blog private but I know a lot of great readers & other bloggers found my blog by chance or through someone elses blog (and vice versa) that I do not want to do that. It was tempting.

Then I pulled my head out of my ass.

Why should I allow someone else, who I DO NOT CARE ABOUT, have control over something that I really, intensely enjoy doing? My blog is my outlet, my art, my place to bitch and be a bitch. If they feel the need to spy on me, and obviously have nothing better to do, then let them.

I refuse to stop doing the one constant thing in my life that I turn to when things are good. Or bad. So to hell with them. Seriously...

In other news, I still don't have a job. BUT, I've watched enough daytime TV that I could host a talk show, be a news anchor and run paternity tests all on my own. How's that for talent? Don't be jealous because I know you are...

Tina Miera Photography: Art at it's finest...

A couple of weeks ago Tina with Tina Miera Photography invited me and my son down to have some fun at her studio and around downtown Salt Lake. She is an amazing photographer as you're about to see from the pictures below. You can also see so many other beautiful, intensely touching photos on her website she's taken that seem to jump off the page at you.

She has this way of capturing things with a camera that others can't. She can look through her lens to see the true personality and spirit of anyone she photographs. With one click of her camera, she freezes small moments in time that you will never be able to forget. I know I've personally been moved to tears by a lot of her photos and I'm 100% certain I'm not the only one.

As a mother, there isn't anything more important to me then remembering & preserving my sons life and our life with him. Through Tina's photography, I've been able to do that in a way no other photographer has ever been able to for us.

I could go on and on about how amazing, talented and creative an artist Tina is but I don't need to. Her art speaks for itself. If you ever need a photographer for any occasion, you need to call her. I promise you will never be disappointed!

This one was one of my favorites of the session!

Me and Brady

You can hear his laughter in this one!

Tina took this one a few years ago at a family pool party and it has been my favorite photo of Brady ever!

She takes photos of everything you can imagine!

She can capture you at your most beautiful during pregnancy...

She'll freeze those newborn moments in time forever...

Remind you how adorable and sweet your babies are, especially when they're sleeping lol

Steal your heart with beautiful photos of your chubby toddler...

Give you pictures of your children together that will remind you that they do adore each other deep down! (Which you can then pull out during those moments when they're screaming that they hate each other!)

Remind you what the wonder years are like...

Give you family memories that will last a lifetime!

Legacy photos that you would be proud to leave behind...

Holiday and seasonal pics that you would be proud to have anyone see...

Senior photos that are so much better then the standard cap and gown ones...

Last but not least, pics of the teen years....

Pictures at the mall are so impersonal and everyone's look the exact same. Don't you want something different? Photos that showcase how beautiful and amazing your family and children really are? If so, call her. I know that's why we do!

Anyone Have a Spare Set of Lungs?

I know I haven't posted since we left for our vacation a couple of weeks ago. But as mothers like to say: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all..." So that's where I've been lol

I am still unemployed, still grappling with legal and financial decisions I need to decide on since being laid off (which I'm not at liberty to discuss at this point). I've felt like I'm floundering lately, sort of lost and not quite sure what to do or where to turn. I've avoided my blog, avoided twitter for the most part, even stopped being on Facebook so much. I thought being laid off and not having to go to work every day, I'd be able to catch up on tons of things online that I've been slacking on. Even thought I'd be able to get a lot of deep cleaning at home done that I've been wanting to do.

I haven't touched any of it and this will be going on to week 3 of being unemployed.

One thing after another has happened since we returned from our trip and then I got deathly sick this past week. I must have bronchitis or pneumonia although I can't say for sure since I lost my health insurance at the end of June when I was laid off and haven't been to the doctor. All I know is whatever it is, is down deep in my lungs and in my chest. And I feel like death warmed over!

At any rate, I'm working on a couple of posts that will be more upbeat which you'll see soon. Just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive and kicking. Well, sort of anyways. I'll be more alive after I get over this crap that's taken up residence in my body!

New posts coming soon! I promise!