Last Wednesday my mother in law had major surgery to try and remove as much of the cancer as the surgeons hoped they could. The 3 hour surgery ended up lasting almost 6 hours but turned out pretty good. I was there even though she still isn't speaking to me. When the surgery was over and the surgeon came out to find us to tell us how it went, they said there was some problems with her blood not clotting correctly so they had to put her in ICU until she was out of the woods.
All of us got to go in together and see her as she was waking up from the surgery. She must have thought she was dying because she was saying goodbye to everyone, telling everyone she loved them and to take care of each other. It was very emotional and heart wrenching. Everyone was huddled around her bedside and I felt so removed from the scene as if I were watching a movie, far away from the reality of it all. I remember hearing the beeping of the machines in the ICU and the nurses speaking in the hall and watching the lines moving on the screen of her machine, but still felt a million miles away. I was instantly transported to the aunts I've lost to cancer and how that scene seemed so surreal and strangely familiar all at the same time. I was a little dizzy with the sense of deja vu that had washed over me and I hung back, letting the rest of the family talk to her. Assure her that the surgery turned out better then we had hoped for and that the surgeons were able to remove most of the cancer they could see.
Everyone had filed out one by one to let her get rest. Only Mr Man and I were still in the room and I quietly walked up to the bed and my mother in law turns her head and looks right at me, for the first time in a month now, and says...
"Where's my Cass?"
Cass, or Cassandra, is my beautiful, sweet new sister in law who my mother in law adores. She has welcomed her into the family in a way that she never has with me. Not in the beginning, not after a few years, not even now, 8 years later.
I just looked at her for a minute, dumb founded that even in her extremely drugged state, she still wouldn't speak to me or want anything to do with me. So I left the room and got Cassandra for her again, who had already been there and spoken to her and told her goodbye for the night. I spent the next few minutes out in the hall while they spoke and Jason said goodbye to his mom.
And I, of course, buried it deep inside, kept my mouth shut, and pouted all the way home. But whatever. It's who I am.
She's still in the hospital but she's out of the ICU. She was doing really well, had the staples taken out and was starting to eat again when they found out she was completely infected with MRSA so now we're not sure what will happen and when she'll be coming home.
On to other news... My new doctor has started me on Topamax for my migraines and chronic headaches. It has a horrid list of scary side effects as long as my leg but I was willing to try anything if it would stop the headaches and migraines. I've suffered from constant headaches since I was a teenager. Probably since I was 15 or 16. I wake up with them, eat with them, sleep with them. Some wives can tell their husbands, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache!" Never works for me. Mr Man would never get any if that were the case! lol
I don't know what it's like anymore to not have head pain going on. I filled the prescription last night and took the first pill on the way home from Walmart. Within 30 minutes I had this coppery taste rush into my mouth like I'd stuck a handful of pennies in there or it had filled up with blood. The Coke I was drinking then tasted like metal and I couldn't drink anymore. It made me jittery and woke me up at 3 AM this morning shaking with chills, freezing my ass off, and wide awake. I felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin, it was that bad. BUT, for the first time in YEARS, I was headache free! All of those side effects may actually be worth it if I can get rid of the damn headaches!
Oh, and one last bonus is that it completely kills your appetite for some people and you lose loads of weight. It does seem to have that effect on me. I'd be completely ok with losing lots of weight lol! Wouldn't that be great right before summer???